Floating in the wind... (A short story)

“I need to speak with you.. Our normal spot.. 4 o clock” was the message.

I didn’t understand why she had sent me the message. Maybe Ajay’s phone was switched off. I decided to show him the message when the cell phone vibrated again.

“Don’t tell Ajay” – she had sent.

“What is it ?” Ajay asked, looking at my phone. Nothing I said, pushing it quickly down my pant pocket. I didn’t know why I lied to him. But Aditi had asked me not to tell him and even though I didn’t know the reason for it , it didn’t seem like a good idea to tell him , after she had specifically mentioned it.

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I looked at my watch again. 4:15. Knowing Aditi, I knew expecting her on time was wrong. It was one of the things Ajay hated in her. I was still trying to figure out why she would have wanted to meet me alone especially without Ajay knowing about it.

I couldn't remember Ajay telling me about any fights or misunderstandings between them. And even if there was one , normally I would clear it up only with both of them present. Not knowing the reason for the secrecy was killing me but thankfully, 10 minutes later , she came.

I was sitting on the bench. Our spot – we had made it so for the past 2 semesters – was a really beautiful one. There was a huge gulmohar tree with a small bench beside it. At about 3 feet from it was a small stone slab. Ajay and Aditi used to occupy the stone bench and I would sit at the stone slab. I had told Ajay many times that I felt delicate, perhaps even uncomfortable sitting with them , forbidding them any privacy, but Ajay would never listen and he would always take me along with him. A few times I had even noticed Aditi’s face changing as soon as she saw me walking with Ajay towards the spot but convincing Ajay was so difficult that sometimes putting up with Aditi’s anger seemed a better choice.

But the most difficult part of accompanying them there came when Ajay and Aditi started talking. I wouldn’t know what to say and frankly, most of the things they spoke would make no sense at all. So most of the times, I would slowly slip away to take a stroll around but some times, when Ajay would not let me go, I would silently put on my head phones and start to write down short stories in my note pad.

But today , as no one was around I had come and sat on the bench. As soon as Aditi came, I stood up from the bench. She signalled with her hand , indicating me to sit, and I sat down. She also sat down closely and placed her bag beside her.

She always looked dashing in her white churidhar and she was wearing it then. The wind was blowing her salwar and it was slowly caressing my shoulder. I always found it difficult to look at her and now with her sitting so closely , I was actually a bit tensed and I slowly picked up a flower and started playing with it.

“What reason did you give Ajay for coming here ?”, she asked looking at me .

“You told me not to tell anything. So I didn't tell him anything .” I said, looking at her and bent down again.

 “But he wouldn’t have let you come here by your own. He would have kept on questioning where you were going. So how did you manage ?” , she asked.

“He didn’t ask me much today. It was actually strange.” I said , still playing with the flower.

She slowly placed her hand over mine and I sat there, frozen for a moment. Slowly, she took the flower from my hand and started playing with it. I was still recovering from her touch when out of the blue came her question.

“Do you love me ?”

My heart skipped a beat. I was completely taken aback and I jumped out of the bench. I wasn’t able to say anything. Words just wouldn't come out of my mouth. I stood there , staring at her, like  a fool. She also kept staring at me indifferently and after about a minute, she said slowly, 

“Sit.”

I hesitated a bit and then slowly sat down , trying to create as much distance as possible beween us. For a few minutes , neither of us talked.

And then she slowly looked at me and said , “You still haven't answered my question.”

“Whats there to answer ? Where the hell did you get such an idea ?”, I asked her immediately , a hint of anger visible in my tone.

She kept staring at me and the wind was blowing her hair across her face and I couldnt help remembering Ajay telling me how helpless he felt whenever the wind blew her hair.

“You ! You were the one who gave me such an idea.” she replied, pushing her hair back.

I was surprised. “Me ? What did I do ?” I asked her.

“I have noticed how you look at me and Ajay whenever we sit here , talking. Your’s is not a normal glance. I have always seen you looking at us with a longing” she said.

I couldn’t help but laugh. But then seeing that she was not joking, I slowly subdued the smile and replied, “I am really sorry if I had given you any such wrong ideas.”

She slowly shook her head and continued , “Even a few of my friends have told me that your face quickly changes as soon as you see us together. ”

This statement of her’s angered me a bit. “Aditi, do you seriously consider this as a basis to conclude that I love you ?” I asked her.

“No. Not just this. There are many more such things.” she said and paused , looking at me, expecting me to reply but seeing that I was not going to say anything, she continued, “In my birthday party, after I cut the cake , when Ajay and myself exchanged the cake pieces , everyone around was cheering and making fun of us except you. You were standing silenlty at the back as if you had no connection whatsoever with the party. Do you think I didn’t notice it ? The same happened with Ajay’s birthday party too. ”

She had been looking at me while saying that but after she had finished, she turned away from me.

Frankly, her accusations seemed childish but then, that was Aditi. I waited for a few moments and then I replied, “Aditi.. I am not a social person. I don’t like parties much. Ask Ajay. The only reason I even attended those two parties was because of Ajay. But even then , how did you conclude that I was in love with you  with these observations ? If someone had done something like that, I would have probably thought that that particular person didn’t like me much. ”

She looked at me for a moment and then looking down, she said ” I also thought so. I was under the impression that you didn't like me. But then, once I picked up a paper that you had torn from your note pad and thrown away. And I was shocked to find that you had written something about me.” She looked at me , expecting me to explain it. And before I could begin , she stopped me and continued, “ There are many more such things . Like you said , they may be just mistakes on my part but the more and more I keep thinking about this, I am unable to do anything else. And I can never talk about this to Ajay. And I don’t know what else to do. I am sorry.” As she finished saying it, her voice became very bleak. I was afraid that she might break down. It was one of the problems with Aditi – she was so vulnerable and even a simple offensive comment was enough to bring her to tears and so, I was praying that she would not break down but exactly at that moment, a tear rolled down her cheek.

I felt really bad whenever she cried. She had cried on a lot of occasions earlier to Ajay and I had felt really bad then. And now, seeing her shed tears because of my actions devastated me.

I looked at her. Her tear drenched face enhanced her beauty manifold. I slowly moved my hand and placed it over hers. For a moment, she tried to pull her hand back but then, she didn’t budge. Slowly, I brought her hand closer to me  and holding her chin, slowly turned her face towards me. She looked at me with her beautiful teary eyes.

“Your name – Aditi – is a name that I love. And honestly, I like you very much. Honestly , I don’t remember any other girl I have liked so much. So I use your name for all the female characters in my stories. Take my note pad some time and go through all the pages. You would find Aditi a lot. Moreover , I also like the name Chandhni. Some of the pages would be filled with Chandhni. Since our Genetics professor has the same name, would you think that I have a crush on her ?” I asked her smiling.

She couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. Our Genetics professor was the one, all of us would crack jokes on , in our class and bless her soul , she was useful in making Aditi laugh.

And I continued, ” As for the other things you haven't said, I guess such simple explanations would be available. But whatever the case, I would like to apologise in case I had given you such a wrong notion . But I would never ever look at you in such a way.” Her tears had subdued by then and she was trying very hard to keep her face pale , that was turning red from blushing.

“Its okay to blush”, I added quickly and she pulled back her hand from mine and hit me on the shoulder playfully. “I know that I haven't warmed up to you very much ever since you and Ajay got committed in a relationship. I had wanted to somehow create an opportunity for us to have a nice long chat that would lead to a solid friendship. But I never thought such a conversation as this would lead there”, I completed.

She smiled. She opened her mouth slowly to say “Sorry” but I quickly shook my head and she left it unsaid.

I stretched my hand forward and said smiling , “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

She shook my hand and winking, said “Here’s to looking at you, kiddo.”

I was shocked . And she quickly added, “ What ?! Do you think you are the only one who saw Casablanca ?” And we had a hearty laugh.

We had been chatting for more than half an hour and it was 10 minutes past five. She had to meet a friend . I told her that I liked sitting there by myself and so having apologised a few times for the wrong accusations, she left.

As I was sitting there on the bench, a flower slowly floated in the breeze and fell on my lap, from the tree. I picked it up and I couldn’t help imagining Aditi playing with the flower. I thought about all that she had said.

And I felt bad for having lied. I shouldn’t have lied about my glances at Aditi and Ajay , while they were sitting at the bench. I shouldn’t have lied about those expression changes her friends had noted. I shouldn’t have lied about those birthday parties.

But I didn’t know if she would understand if I told her about my love. I honestly didn’t know if anybody would understand about it. And my greatest fear was Ajay. Every time I imagined myself  talking about it to Ajay, I just couldn’t continue the imagination till the end because I was really afraid of the result. I knew there was no way my love was going to succeed.

There was no hope. I had no other choice but to keep my love locked inside my heart.

But sitting there , with no one around , and holding the flower in my hand I just couldn’t resist myself from telling it out loud. And so I decided that it was going to be the only time I was ever going to say it and so , I drew my breath and slowly , I lay down on the bench and placed the flower near my chest. Looking above at the beautiful gulmohar tree , I felt a warmth in my heart and slowly, I said it out loud for the first and last time .

I love you , Ajay !