20 Mar 2018

Calculating compassion


Can performing calculations cause a change in the compassionate nature of a person?
I was shocked to find the answer through a research cited in the book, Made to Stick.

A group of people were given $5 each and were divided into two groups. Both the groups were given envelopes that contained letters requesting for donations that would go towards educating a girl named Rokia in Africa. Before proceeding with the donations, one group was asked an emotional question like 'Please write down one word to describe how you feel when you hear the word 'baby'.' The other group was asked an analytical question like 'If an object travels at five feet per minute, how many feet will it travel in 360 seconds?' After the donations, it was found that the emotionally primed people had donated $2.34 on an average while the analytically primed people had donated only $1.26 on an average.

In the words of the authors of the book, Made to Stick, "These results are shocking. The mere act of calculation reduced people's charity. Once we put on our analytical hat, we react to emotional appeals differently. We hinder our ability to feel."

I took a deep breath after reading this.
What did this mean to a data analyst/humanist/writer like me?
Would I be ignoring the endless efforts of a busser in my office cafeteria because I had worked upon a forecasting algorithm earlier? Would I be ignoring a homeless dog outside my IT park because I had had a long day with a regression model? Would my poems run out of tears and turn into a barren desert of words?
But then, I took a step back.
Two and a half years have passed since I was assigned a employee number in my data analytics organization. Have all these days devoted to analyzing data dictated a decline in my compassion?
The answer is a loud no. Because, I seem to have become the ideal 'artist' according to the Tamil filmmaker Mysskin's definition - a person who is capable of breaking down even at the sight of a blossoming flower or a smiling beggar.
Which, in turn, means only one thing. I am a bad analyst.

I set aside my internal conflict for sometime and broadened my thought process. 
What did such a fact mean in today's world where data analytics is the fastest growing profession? What did such a fact mean in today's Indian society where engineering is the most pursued undergraduate course, while courses of arts and humanities have become things of the past like transistors?
Are we on the path to creating a mathematically strong generation that would lack in compassion?
As I pondered upon this question, I realized that we have already become a generation that prefers being knowledgeable over being nice. What else could be the reason for the successes of TV shows like House M.D. and Sherlock and Breaking Bad and many of the Marvel Cinematic Universe movies that project protagonists who get away with all their imperfections because they are intelligent?
Are we on the right path? Do we want to become highly intelligent beings that lack kindness? How would we be different from the machines, then?
I am terrified that in our current pursuit, where we strive to make ourselves more intelligent and make our machines more understanding, we might end up living in a world with kind phones and smart humans.

Alan Turing once said, "..but I believe that the attempt to make a thinking machine will help us greatly in finding how we think ourselves." 
Maybe, it is time that we start learning from our creations.

I take a deep breath as I realize the extent to which I have analyzed the effect of calculations affecting compassion. I request my brain to relax but it seems to be in its own happy world. For, in the midst of all these worldly concerns, my brain seems to have found the reason for my high school Math teacher always being grim.

****

Related reads:
Asimov's fifth law - A robot may not let a human fall in love with it - A piece on the possibilities of falling in love with a machine
Wolf-whistling for the villains - A piece about how we have become a culture that adores its antagonists

13 Mar 2018

Too busy to be sad

Some days arrive
When our shadows shine in sunlight
Street after street, city after city
Shattering the solitude that smiles..
Some days arrive
When our rooms get crowded with unwelcome people
Night after night, weekend after weekend
Not letting in painful memories and terrifying imaginations..
Some days arrive
When a continuous rhythm plays in our heads
Chord after chord, note after note
Not permitting silence to speak..
Some days arrive
When words hold us imprisoned in reading
Page after page, chapter after chapter
Not wanting us to become writers..
Some days arrive
When nature reminds us of its unnatural beauty
Tree after tree, star after star
Not revealing the hardships of human life..
Some days arrive
When food paves the way for tasting freedom
Scent after scent, bite after bite
Far from the frailties of human heart..
Some days arrive
When algorithms and dashboards weigh us down
Data point after data point, chart after chart
Not favoring the triumph of faith over facts..
Some days arrive
When life gets too busy
Second after second, minute after minute
To sit and be sad, to shed a slow teardrop...

28 Feb 2018

I dream in film language

Pursuing an educational degree of one's liking has its own perks, the most important of them being the opportunity to be a part of a crowd equally in love with your liking. I experienced a similar bliss as I attended the 10th edition of the Bangalore Film Festival during the last weekend.
As my brother and I waited in the pleasantly surprising long queues to watch one marvellous foreign film after another, we were absolutely delighted to find the people before and after us discuss the works of a Turkish filmmaker or worry over the state of Russian cinema. The crowd at the film festival turned out to be so great that a huge applause erupted as the words 'Palme d'Or winner' appeared in the opening credits of The Square and I just couldn't help myself from shedding a few happy tears.
Why couldn't these film festivals happen every weekend?

After I admitted to my mother on Saturday night that my brother and I had watched 5 foreign films back to back the entire day, my mother asked me with a very serious face, "Didn't you get a headache?" 
I threw her an indignant look. "I watched 5 really good films", I replied. "Still, didn't you get a headache?"
I decided to write a screenplay about the travails of a son, a film buff, whose mother is exhausted even by the thought of going to a movie theater. And I also managed to catch 5 more great films the next day, without a headache, and with some notes below.

****

Grain (Turkish)

A black-and-white beauty that presents an apocalyptic world where survivors are chosen based on certain criteria and are sent to either a barren region where no plants grow or to a fertile land where genetically modified crops are continuously modified to overcome their shortcomings against nature.
The protagonist, a scientist who sets out to set right a shortcoming, eventually comes to realize that soil and seeds untampered by man are the only way towards permanent harvest. Filled with scenes of acid rain, deaths due to unknown epidemics, and a burning tree, the film made me pay closer attention and more respect to the trees that welcomed me outside the movie theater.
With some of the scenes in the first half of the film being visually arresting and symmetrical splendours, I wondered if a sad and dark Wes Anderson film would resemble Grain.

****

Such is the life in the Tropics
(Spanish)

As the film ended and the credits rolled out, I felt that I had watched a realistic Tamil film. With a story revolving around power abuse, land encroachment, forbidden love, elusive justice, and a family that becomes a victim, the film paved way for the birth of a Tamil remake in my head, with the Tamil version set in North Chennai.
But it also showed how similar the strata differences and the societal workings of developing countries remain.

****

Two Irenes (Portuguese)

What would a daughter go through when she finds out that her father has another family, from another marriage, and another daughter with the same name?
The director of the film approaches this subject with the playfulness found in a 13-year-old girl, who is the film's protagonist.
When the first Irene secretly watches her father shower extra affection on the other Irene, a feeling of envy envelops her. But that does not stop an interesting friendship developing between the two Irenes.
In bits and pieces, Two Irenes reminded me of In the mood for Love. Not because of the treatment but because of the theme. Just that the climax of Two Irenes is a lot more fun than the locked-away-secret-in-Angkor-Wat climax in In the mood for Love.
Also, the close-up shots of the first Irene in the film are to be cherished. The camera captures the questions and the emotions in her face for long stretches of time yet the intentions of the character always remain elusive to the viewer.

****

Daha (Turkish)

The spread of a disease from one person to another person can be stopped. But how does one stop the spread of evilness?
Can a human being retain his humanity even when forced to live under the direst of circumstances?
Why do refugees become easy targets for rapes and human trafficking? Doesn't it seem unfair that the man-made concept of countries and countrymen is disrupting the lives of some people unable to belong to a country?
These were a few questions I battled with as I watched the greatly disturbing Daha.
The story is set around a truck driver's son who witnesses an unknown side of his father, after his father smuggles a group of refugees to their hometown, for money, and unleashes his cruelty upon them.
In a scene where the father rapes a young mother from the refugee group, the viewer does not see the happenings but instead just hears the wails of the woman being raped. The wails refuse to leave me even now and they constantly remind me of the pain inflicted by nature upon women, for evolution, and the pain inflicted by men upon women, for gratification.
'How do you escape a prison if you are its guard?' - the son asks this rhetorical question, in a narrative voiceover, after he begins to follow his father's footsteps, losing the compassion in him. The question hit me hard with me mostly being a prisoner of my own creations rather than being a prisoner of life.

****

Pomegranate orchard
(Azerbaijani)

Watching this film felt like listening to the 'On the Nature of Daylight' soundtrack from Arrival - the experience of a beautiful sadness.
With the story revolving around a family that tries to accept one of its members who returns after 12 years of disappearance, the film paints a genuine picture of the difficulties in such an acceptance after such an absence. I was reminded of Veyil which dealt with a similar theme but in a harsher sense.
One would think that the return of a missing family member would automatically call for celebrations in a family. But the emotions of a human being tend to be more complex. And emotions also arrive in bundles.
Joy can pair up with memories of a sad past. Pain can collaborate with memories of bygone happier times. Anger can complement sadness and awe can befriend fear.
The film beautifully shows this mixture of emotions the family undergoes as pomegranates continue to ripe and rot in the orchard. As the film neared its tragic end, I took comfort in the fact that the life cycles in nature will go on, undisturbed, despite all the chaos created by humans in their lives.

****

Solo, Solitude (Indonesian)

A majority of the scenes in this film play out before a static camera. Characters walk in and out of the frame with the camera not caring to track their movements. Solo, Solitude can be called a companion piece to Court in that sense. But the similarities do not stop there.
Like the protagonist of Court who is a social activist who protests through folk music, the protagonist of Solo, Solitude is a social activist too, who uses poetry for his protests against the government. And similar to Court, life just plays out in Solo, Solitude without any dramatizations.
The protagonist is told by a character that one of the protagonist's lines affected him badly. 'Why do you read so many books if you would always keep your mouth shut?' After quoting the line, the character laughingly admits to the protagonist that he stopped reading books because of the line. Though the scene plays out with the tone of wry humour, it hammers home the social responsibilities of those of us who are privileged enough to acquire knowledge, not only through life but through other means such as books.

****

Redoubtable (French)

"How do we get to see such brilliance only from the French filmmakers?!" My brother's question/amazement after watching Redoubtable sums up my experience of the film as well.
A film revolving around the love life of the great French filmmaker, Jean-Luc Godard, is destined to be a celebration of cinema. But like the French riots of 1968 that serve as the backdrop for the story, the filmmaking in itself turns out to be a riot against traditions.
The protagonist tells his lover that her life is not a film to have a narrative voiceover when a narrative voiceover begins explaining the feelings of the lover. A discussion on the need to showcase the nudity of artists happens between the protagonist and the lover as they appear nude before the camera.
A Godardian style is followed through the film and metaness reaches new heights as the actor playing Godard admits in the middle of an existential crisis, in one of the scenes, "But I am not the great Godard. I am just an actor playing the great Godard."
I imagined the mouthwatering possibility of turning the lives of great filmmakers like Satyajit Ray, K Balachander, and Mani Ratnam into films that resembled a style very similar to the styles of the filmmakers themselves. I have still not returned to reality after imagining an opening shot for the Mani Ratnam biographical that shows a young Mani Ratnam peering through the windows of a train, as the train curves along the railway track.

****

The Square (Swedish)

The protagonist of the film, a museum curator, asks a question in the beginning of the film - Does an object become a piece of art just because it finds a place in the museum?
I had a similar question after I watched this film - Does a film become a masterpiece just because it finds a place in the shortlist for the Academy Award for the Best Foreign film feature?
But the film comments on the (non) altruistic nature of humans through scenes where people refuse to ask for help and scenes where people refuse to offer help. In a scene where the protagonist tries to explain to his daughters about the titular museum showpiece, The Square, which is 'a sanctuary of trust and caring' as described in the film, he explains how the parents of previous generations had enough trust on other adults that they let their kids roam and play without much worries. One is left to wonder if the lack of trust in the adults of current generation has got to do with the removal of dependency on other humans. We do not need a fellow human to help us with routes and directions anymore. We do not need a fellow human to help us with the best product in a retail store. With time, will we reach a point where we do not need a fellow human to help us with love?

****

I dream in another language (Spanish)

This poetic film from Mexico is my favorite amongst all the films I watched at the film festival. Despite the film carrying themes like selfless love and forgiveness, which are usually found in Russian literature, the treatment of the subject resembles a Ruskin Bond short story.
The story revolves around the efforts of a linguist who tries to start a conversation between two old men who are the last two remaining speakers of a language called Zikril. These men refuse to talk to each other because of a fight in their youth.
As the linguist struggles back and forth between the two men, one understands the sadness in people speaking the same language not wanting to communicate and people speaking different languages wanting to connect. Isn't this the irony in today's world, so connected by technology yet so divided by national/religious/cultural differences?
But then, I also realized the irony in a Mexican film connecting dearly with me, more than most closer-to-home films.

****

Sleeping Giant (English)

This Canadian drama follows the lives of three teenagers as they battle with boredom during a summer vacation. Similar to the melancholic Death in the Gunj, this film also portrays how constant bullying has its slow impact on the victim.
And similar to Daha, this film also leaves you wondering if the spread of evilness can be stopped like the spread of diseases.

****

An apocalypse. The friendship of namesakes. Refugee crisis and rapes. A family's acceptance of a member who returns after 12 years of disappearance. A Godardian take on Godard's life. A linguist's struggle to carry forward an endangered language.
I cherish having spent a weekend in such diverse worlds and having experienced such a range of emotions. More importantly, I cherish the collective experience of celebrating cinema with fellow film lovers.
As I look back at the weekend, I am faced with the same question that I had asked earlier.
Why don't these film festivals happen every weekend?

5 Feb 2018

Phantom Thread & Padmaavat - The pain of love

Phantom Thread and Padmaavat are two films that are as different as they come. 
Phantom Thread is a story set in London in the 1950s, about a dressmaker who falls in love with a young waitress. Padmaavat, on the other hand, is a story set in Mewar in the 13th century, about a Muslim king who falls in love with a Rajput queen. 
Phantom Thread deals with the messiness of relationships. Padmaavat deals with the valor, pride and self-respect of a community.
Yet, they portray love in very similar ways. 

In Phantom Thread, Woodcock (brilliantly played by Daniel Day-Lewis) is a dressmaker obsessed with his work. He designs dresses even when he is seated at the dining table for breakfast. Alma (brilliantly played by Vicky Krieps, whose performance competes with Day-Lewis's in almost every scene) is a waitress with simple tastes and simple routines, and she finds Woodcock's compulsive obsession with work baffling. Don't you work when you work and don't you live when you live? Alma finds it difficult to understand the mind that worships work as life. As her loneliness and the resulting sadness slowly compound, she realizes that the only way she would be able to spend time with him, without disturbing his work, would be if he fell sick. And to achieve this, she takes the extreme step of feeding him poisonous mushrooms. After he falls sick, she is saddened by his state but she is also happy that she can finally love him the way she wants to.

In Padmaavat, Rani Padmavati (played by Deepika Padukone), in her first scene in the film, is busy deer hunting. She shoots an arrow at a deer but the arrow misses its target. She shoots the arrow again only to hit the wrong target this time - Ratan Singh (played by Shahid Kapoor). They lay eyes upon each other and as Padmavati slowly removes the arrow from Ratan Singh's body, love penetrates deeper into the two hearts. After the arrow comes out of his body, Ratan Singh collapses unconsciously in her arms. Padmavati attends to him for a couple of days and when Ratan Singh's wound heals and he says that he has to leave, she is saddened. She then pulls out a tiny knife and slashes at the wound. It is a desperate attempt to make him stay longer so that she can love him the way she wants to. 

Paul Thomas Anderson and Sanjay Leela Bhansali are two filmmakers who are as different as they come. 
Consider a Magnolia against a Black. Consider a There will be blood against a Guzaarish. Consider an Inherent Vice against a Bajirao Mastani. 
Yet, they portray love in very similar ways. 

As I try to find connections between the works of these two artists, one of my favorite quotes catches me unguarded. A quote from Charles Bukowski.
Find what you love and let it kill you. 
Could the group of artists get more diverse, with a PTA and a Bhansali and a Bukowski?
Another example that art/love is so personal and yet so universal.

4 Feb 2018

Love beyond bloodlines

"When would you admit the truth that I am your adopted son? Isn't that the reason you shower so less love upon me?" I would dole out such a melodramatic statement every time my mother prepared a dish with bitter gourd or bottle gourd or beans. 
"I readied myself to admit the truth many years ago. Your real mother is the reason for the delay." When my mother decides to be sarcastic, even bitter gourd dishes taste better. 

But once in a while, after such exchanges, I would toy around with the thought of my possible reactions if my mother confessed someday that I am an adopted son.
Should I be angry with my real mother for abandoning me? Should I be grateful to my adoptive mother for raising me up as her own child? Should a long hidden truth overshadow long-lasting love?
Such questions would eventually lead me to think about the definition of a mother. 
Is mother the woman who introduces us into this emotionally eventful world? Or is mother the woman who travels with us, helping us endure and enjoy the emotions? 
Should a mother necessarily be a woman? Should the relationship even be named? 
At times, I imagine a world without names for relationships. A grandmother's sister, a cousin's cousin and a sister can shower all the affection they want to, not burdened by their positions in the family tree. How beautiful would it be - humans loving humans for just who they are, not for what one means to the other. 

What does it mean to be a mother?
After my mother moved to Bangalore, on the night before her first day at her Bangalore office, she asked me if it would be appropriate for her to wear churidhar to office. "Why not?" I asked. "Wouldn't a sari be more appropriate?" My mother was clouded by doubt. I understood that her appropriateness was directed towards her 'mother' role and not towards her age. "Which would be more comfortable for you?" I asked her the question, realizing that the question had always been asked of me, by my mother, and rarely the other way around. My mother did not answer my question. She instead rushed to the kitchen to prepare dinner. And I felt sad. 
Though I am a son, I have not always thought and acted like a son. I have been just a friend many times. I have been just a brother many times. I have been just a 24-year-old boy many many times. But my mother finds it difficult to not think and act like a mother. This, despite being a daughter, despite being a sister, despite being a friend, and despite being a 48-year-old woman. 

What does it mean to be a mother?
I came across an article two weeks ago. 
It told the story of two mothers from Assam. They had given birth to their sons on the same day, in the same hospital. But as life would have it, their sons had been swapped and each mother had left the hospital with the other mother's son. Within a week, one of the mothers had formed doubts about her son not being hers. And after a 'right to information' request and after DNA tests that had taken 2 long years to be carried out, both the mothers had been delivered indisputable evidence that their sons had been swapped. 
What did the mothers do after this revelation? 
They decided to not swap back their sons. For, they had already become mothers to the sons they had. 

After I read this article, I could not hold back my tears for some time.
I have friends who have been forced by their families to forget their lovers owing to differences in caste or religion. And here were two mothers for whom even the wombs did not matter. 
Maybe the next time a family tries to oppose a marriage, on the basis of caste or religion, they should be narrated this story. 
If a mother can accept to love another mother's son, letting her own son be loved by another mother, to what worth do the differences in caste or religion amount to?

11 Jan 2018

The wrinkles of my grandmother

Yesterday, my grandmother turned 78. As I sat beside her, listening to her animated recollections of her earlier birthdays, I could not help noticing her silver hair strands that danced to the tunes of the ceiling fan. But more than her hair strands, her wrinkled skin captivated me. I ran my fingers through those layers of life. As I passed wrinkle after wrinkle, I wondered if there lay a story behind each one. Stories that could not be shared. Stories that would not be heard.
Maybe the wrinkles signified moments that could not be gotten back. Moments that engulfed joy. Moments that contained tears. Could wrinkles be categorized as happy wrinkles and sad wrinkles? Could joy create a wrinkle? Perhaps joy that is always followed by a feeling of separation could.
Maybe the wrinkles signified places that could not be revisited. Places with walls and doors and shelves made out of memories. Places without walls and doors and shelves that opened out as an ode to nature.
Maybe the wrinkles signified people who could not be gotten back. People who are loved as if they had been a part of our past lives. People who are not-so-loved as if they had come about as a result of our past lives.
I ran my fingers through those layers of life. What did those wrinkles hide? I paid attention to her face and looking at the wrinkles that adorned her cheeks, originating below her dreamy eyes, I caught hold of an answer.
Maybe the wrinkles signified unfulfilled desires that could not be divorced.


1 Jan 2018

Happy New Year!

The coconut tree outside the balcony coughed. The air it inhaled smelled different. The television set in the hall begged to be switched on. It preferred projecting images to the continuous colors that were bouncing off its black screen from the disco light. The Bluetooth speaker screamed in pain as its belly button (strangely named 'volume') was twisted in random directions. The glass mugs, that had been playful inside the cupboard, now experienced a dizzying feeling. A rumor spread among them that the feeling was because of the golden liquid. The thermocol balls inside the bean bags hugged their loved ones. They were nearing their final moments, experiencing more pressure than ever before. The garbage bin let out an exasperated sigh as it noticed the empty chips packets and half-empty pizza boxes that lay before it. The walls of the house were silent witnesses to the chaos happening before them, holding colorful ribbons and a rectangular board that read 'Happy New Year'.