(Dedicated to a dear colleague who has erased the line differentiating home and office)
She continued staring at the constantly changing mathematical statements on the black screen of her laptop. A data processing program, 1500 lines long, was midway in its execution. It would take an hour longer for the program to return the result. She shifted her attention from the laptop to her notebook placed beside. A doodle was midway in its execution. It was populated by the drawings of a laptop screen that resembled a prison, a face that was part-human-part-machine, a human brain that had a damaged electrical circuit within, and a computer program filled with nihilistic statements.
When life becomes a computer program, joy becomes a part of exception handling. She repeated her latest nihilistic thought in loops in her head, trying to make it better. She suddenly realized that she had been letting her thoughts play in loops, turning her brain into a computer program. Terrified, she shut her eyes and commanded her brain to stop thinking. But the human brain, taking pride in its paradoxical nature, began to bombard her with more thoughts than before. Realizing that she was trapped between ever-changing statements before her eyes and ever-changing thoughts behind her eyes, she decided to choose a thought and let it live its life.
What if I was a homemaker? She chose the most pleasant thought playing in her brain then. The thought had visited her many times earlier, especially during circumstances when she did not understand the purpose of her job. She knew that she had to provide for her family. She knew that she had to save money for her marriage. But she always wondered if there was an easier alternative available. “After our marriage, just quit your job and relax at home. I will take care of both the families.” Her boyfriend, who owned a start-up, had consoled her once during a crisis. How patriarchal! She had thought then but her boyfriend’s suggestion seemed an enjoyable escape now.
What if I was a homemaker? She let the thought set out on its journey. She would have a life filled with sunrises and sunsets which she missed now badly. She would have a life decorated with reading accomplishments which she had completely stopped now sadly. She would be able to experiment more with her cooking, mixing up spices and sugar and sauces. She would be able to experiment more with her drawing, mixing up shapes and strokes and sizes. She got excited by the number of doodles she would be able to complete. For every successfully executed computer program of hers, a doodle had been stopped halfway. She got excited by the number of letters she could write to her friends and family members, touching upon all the important happenings in their lives that she had missed out because of her work. For every successfully executed client meeting of hers, a major event in the lives of her loved ones had been missed.
What if I was a homemaker? Her thought that had been continuing on an easy path, took a turn to slowly tread on a difficult road. She would have to face the same walls and windows for a major portion of her days. She would have to take care of the needs of the members at home, setting aside time for their desires and sorrows. She would have to take up the tasks of the other members at home, as she would be seen as the person with most time and most thoughts. She would have to be the most responsible member at home as she would be expected to have the least distractions.
Her thought suddenly sought shelter on its journey as she felt a tap on her shoulder. She returned to reality to see her teammate standing beside her. “My head is aching badly….so, I was planning to leave home. I have sent you the initial version of the process flow. Can you review it once and make changes, if required, and share it with the clients?” Her teammate spoke without a pause for breath, as if he was scared that taking a breath would result in questions from her. “Can we just sit together for 15 minutes, now, and finish the process flow? You can send it to the clients yourself.” She ended her statement with a smile, wanting to make it seem like an achievement to her teammate. But he persisted with his request. “No….please. My head is aching very badly.” She realized that her compulsion would only result in complaints and not completion. “Fine….go home. I will look into it. You take care.” She smiled again, hoping that her smile would help in reducing his headache and her teammate smiled back, relieved to rush away with his bag.
She turned to her laptop screen and opened her mail inbox. She had received 5 new mails, out of which 3 had their subject lines starting with ‘Kindly review’. “All part of being a team lead!” She consoled herself and opened the mails, one by one. As she opened the third mail, her brain lit up and a realization hit her. Her thought that had sought shelter took a U-turn and started sprinting.
She realized that she had already become a homemaker. She was facing the same walls and windows of her office for major portion of her days. She was taking care of the needs of her teammates, setting aside time for their desires and sorrows. She was taking up the tasks of her teammates, as she was seen as the person with most time and most thoughts. She was expected to be the most responsible member of the team with the least distractions.
As she realized this, she let out a chuckle, marveling at yet another irony of life. “When are you leaving home?” She got the question from a colleague in the neighboring team who was packing his bag. “In some time…” She replied and waved him goodbye. But internally, she knew the answer to his question. I am already home. She digested the answer with a mixed feeling of joy and sadness and continued checking her mails.
Her doodle that had been stopped midway looked at her sadly, hoping her computer program would fail with its execution.
She continued staring at the constantly changing mathematical statements on the black screen of her laptop. A data processing program, 1500 lines long, was midway in its execution. It would take an hour longer for the program to return the result. She shifted her attention from the laptop to her notebook placed beside. A doodle was midway in its execution. It was populated by the drawings of a laptop screen that resembled a prison, a face that was part-human-part-machine, a human brain that had a damaged electrical circuit within, and a computer program filled with nihilistic statements.
When life becomes a computer program, joy becomes a part of exception handling. She repeated her latest nihilistic thought in loops in her head, trying to make it better. She suddenly realized that she had been letting her thoughts play in loops, turning her brain into a computer program. Terrified, she shut her eyes and commanded her brain to stop thinking. But the human brain, taking pride in its paradoxical nature, began to bombard her with more thoughts than before. Realizing that she was trapped between ever-changing statements before her eyes and ever-changing thoughts behind her eyes, she decided to choose a thought and let it live its life.
What if I was a homemaker? She chose the most pleasant thought playing in her brain then. The thought had visited her many times earlier, especially during circumstances when she did not understand the purpose of her job. She knew that she had to provide for her family. She knew that she had to save money for her marriage. But she always wondered if there was an easier alternative available. “After our marriage, just quit your job and relax at home. I will take care of both the families.” Her boyfriend, who owned a start-up, had consoled her once during a crisis. How patriarchal! She had thought then but her boyfriend’s suggestion seemed an enjoyable escape now.
What if I was a homemaker? She let the thought set out on its journey. She would have a life filled with sunrises and sunsets which she missed now badly. She would have a life decorated with reading accomplishments which she had completely stopped now sadly. She would be able to experiment more with her cooking, mixing up spices and sugar and sauces. She would be able to experiment more with her drawing, mixing up shapes and strokes and sizes. She got excited by the number of doodles she would be able to complete. For every successfully executed computer program of hers, a doodle had been stopped halfway. She got excited by the number of letters she could write to her friends and family members, touching upon all the important happenings in their lives that she had missed out because of her work. For every successfully executed client meeting of hers, a major event in the lives of her loved ones had been missed.
What if I was a homemaker? Her thought that had been continuing on an easy path, took a turn to slowly tread on a difficult road. She would have to face the same walls and windows for a major portion of her days. She would have to take care of the needs of the members at home, setting aside time for their desires and sorrows. She would have to take up the tasks of the other members at home, as she would be seen as the person with most time and most thoughts. She would have to be the most responsible member at home as she would be expected to have the least distractions.
Her thought suddenly sought shelter on its journey as she felt a tap on her shoulder. She returned to reality to see her teammate standing beside her. “My head is aching badly….so, I was planning to leave home. I have sent you the initial version of the process flow. Can you review it once and make changes, if required, and share it with the clients?” Her teammate spoke without a pause for breath, as if he was scared that taking a breath would result in questions from her. “Can we just sit together for 15 minutes, now, and finish the process flow? You can send it to the clients yourself.” She ended her statement with a smile, wanting to make it seem like an achievement to her teammate. But he persisted with his request. “No….please. My head is aching very badly.” She realized that her compulsion would only result in complaints and not completion. “Fine….go home. I will look into it. You take care.” She smiled again, hoping that her smile would help in reducing his headache and her teammate smiled back, relieved to rush away with his bag.
She turned to her laptop screen and opened her mail inbox. She had received 5 new mails, out of which 3 had their subject lines starting with ‘Kindly review’. “All part of being a team lead!” She consoled herself and opened the mails, one by one. As she opened the third mail, her brain lit up and a realization hit her. Her thought that had sought shelter took a U-turn and started sprinting.
She realized that she had already become a homemaker. She was facing the same walls and windows of her office for major portion of her days. She was taking care of the needs of her teammates, setting aside time for their desires and sorrows. She was taking up the tasks of her teammates, as she was seen as the person with most time and most thoughts. She was expected to be the most responsible member of the team with the least distractions.
As she realized this, she let out a chuckle, marveling at yet another irony of life. “When are you leaving home?” She got the question from a colleague in the neighboring team who was packing his bag. “In some time…” She replied and waved him goodbye. But internally, she knew the answer to his question. I am already home. She digested the answer with a mixed feeling of joy and sadness and continued checking her mails.
Her doodle that had been stopped midway looked at her sadly, hoping her computer program would fail with its execution.
