30 Nov 2016

O Captain! My Captain! - II

Last evening, I stood in the smoking area outside my organization, with my first manager who was quitting. As I stood there, I was reminded of my first day in my first project. My manager had taken me that day to the very same spot. 

That first day. That first conversation.
"I want to know more about you. Tell me about the things you are really passionate about" he asked me, lighting up his cigarette. I was surprised. A few hours earlier, I had spoken about my hobbies when I had been asked to introduce myself to the team working on my first project. 
I suspected that my manager had not paid attention when I had mentioned my interests. I started explaining him my field of passion and its reason. He listened patiently, with a tinge of wonder visible in his eyes. I expected him to interrupt me and put forward his opinion. He did not. I continued talking. He continued listening. "You should interrupt now! You should want to say something! You are a manager!" I kept thinking, as I talked on. He never interrupted me. 
I did not understand. I was a kid fresh out of college, still unsure of even his Facebook profile picture. And he was a manager with 3-and-odd years of experience in my organization. What was he doing, spending his valuable time, listening to a kid blabbering about French and Italian cinema?
My brain was burning out faster than his cigarette, in confusion.
And then he started talking. His response showed how genuinely he had listened to me. I was taken aback. I was also glad. How many employees can boast of having had their first manager as someone who knew how to listen and was genuinely invested in each and every member of the team?
That evening, after that 30-minute conversation, I seriously considered taking up smoking just so I could become his smoking-buddy.

****

After I had decided to type a post about my first manager, I was unclear as to the structure or narrative. There were memories aplenty from his beloved Microsoft mobile to the balcony-entrance of his ground-floor flat to his secret crush on 9GAG. But an all-joining thread was required. 
Strangely, before the narrative could fall in place, the title began barking at me. I tried shoo'ing it away saying that I needed the content first. But it continued barking. I then paused and listened to the title. The barking made sense.
The earlier post where I had used the title had been a piece about Robin Williams. 
My first manager is a Robin Williams in his own way.
The enthusiasm of an Adrian Cronauer of Good Morning, Vietnam or of the Genie of Aladdin. The urge to inspire of a John Keating of Dead Poets Society. The patience and care of a Sean Maguire of Good Will Hunting
  
Also, the words of Whitman's poem keep coming back.
..The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is won..
..Rise up - for you the flag is flung - for you the bugle trills,
For you bouquets and ribbon'd wreaths - for you the shores a-crowding..
My manager was never a man to stay behind for the laurels. He stepped aside after doling out enough inspiration. 
A teacher to the truest sense.

****

Last evening, I stood in the smoking area outside my organization, with my first manager who was quitting. In the brief moments of silence that lingered amidst reminiscing the old days, I remembered the effort he had put in to make this shy, silent, introverted kid get comfortable with his team. That had made all the difference between me loving/hating a job I had accepted not because of my want, but because of my need.

As it was time to finally part, I shook my manager's hand and said, "All the best".
My final words to him have been troubling me since then.
I should have said "Thank you". 
He deserved it. And a lot more.

21 Nov 2016

Demonetization and a dear friend

It was November 9. Around 10:30 PM.
A very dear friend of mine called me. "Are you still at office?", he asked. I had left office early that day and I told him the same. He used a few curse words hearing that. "I reached home just now", he replied, as an explanation to his curse words. I couldn't help let out a chuckle.
I did not have to ask him the reason for his late home-coming that day. The previous day, the Indian Prime Minister had made an unexpected declaration of demonetizing 500 and 1000 rupee notes. And I knew that the bank employees were going to take the worst hit. One of whom was my dear friend.

"You should have seen every person's face as he/she placed the 500 and 1000 rupee notes on top of my counter. Some had mud over them. Some had rice dust. It felt like being in a Shankar movie", my friend narrated his story excitedly. I felt happy for him.
"As I sat down to tally the day's collection by evening, though I was extremely tired, I also felt mildly proud. Who would have thought I would be entrusted with such responsibilities?", he asked, triumphantly, before ending the call. "Really good for you!" I told him.
"You have no idea how proud I feel of you", I wanted to tell him but I did not.

Some friendships do not require you to tell everything. The things that you leave unsaid carry deeper meaning.

****

I remember vividly the last month of the last semester at my college.
Slam books were passed around. Apologies were thrown around. A few late realizations. A few not-so-late proposals. Selfies with favorite professors. Selfies with favorite buildings.
In the midst of such happenings, one late evening, my dear friend and I were seated on a stone bench.
"How do you foresee our futures, 5-10 years down the lane?" my friend asked me, expecting something philosophical. "I do not know", I replied, being my most philosophical.
It irritated him.
"Do you suppose we should have chosen easier fields of interest?" he asked me, smiling. 

Maybe. Maybe not. I did not know. 
I had fallen in love with cinema. He, with the Indian army. I badly wanted him to become a soldier and he wished with all his heart that I become a filmmaker some day. But both of us knew that long and dusty roads lay before us. We were also aware of our prior dreams and their success ratio. 
"Even now, it isn't late to change our fields of interest. But imagine this - What if we fail even in those easier ones?" I asked him. He let out a chuckle.
An awkward silence followed.
"Do you know what angers me the most?", my friend questioned and continued, "I see a lot many people who very easily get what they want. And most of them are no way closer to being as good-hearted, as helpful as me or you."  
I looked at him helplessly.
"They keep mentioning karma. They keep telling that good things happen to good people. But I rarely see these sayings come true. Can you recall something in your life that you had wanted very badly and it had turned out the exact way that you had wanted?" he asked me. I had no answer. 
The awkward silence prevailed again. 
"I guess that is how life is meant to be. If things had happened according to my plan and want, I would have never joined this college and we would have never had this conversation" I broke the silence. 
My friend did not find my answer good enough.
"Do you fear that we are going to fail in the pursuit of our passions?" I asked him finally. He chose not to reply. 
"Well, I do not know about you. But I am pretty sure that I am getting an Oscar" I told him. He gave me a puzzled look and in a few seconds, we started laughing.
"And I am pretty sure that you would succeed before me" I wanted to tell him, after the laughter, but I did not.

Some friendships do not require you to tell everything. The things that you leave unsaid carry deeper meaning. 

****

It was November 19. Around 01:00 AM.
I was on my way to Chennai in a government bus. Lonely huts and lonelier lampposts kept passing my window as Rahman's music kept me awake. My mobile screen suddenly flashed to indicate the arrival of a new mail. It was from my dear friend.
He had written how his banking life had been turned upside down after the demonetizing order and how his pride had increased by being a part of a movement that would reform India. 
I felt really happy for him. Also, a bit envious. 
Though he had not been positioned at the country's borders, though he had not been armed with rifles, though he had not been fighting for his life day after day, he had marched closer to his dream. In the end, it had always been about serving the nation.

"Karma exists. Good things happen to good people. Thanks for making me believe" - I wanted to send him a reply but I did not.

Some friendships do not require you to tell everything. The things that you leave unsaid carry deeper meaning. 
But then, there is also no harm in putting it all out once in a while. 

10 Nov 2016

The Umbrella seller

I will be your umbrella seller
Do you want the majestic black one?
Or the bee-deceiving flowered one?
Or the Newton's-disk resembling rainbow-designed one?
I will be your umbrella seller
And I will sell you an umbrella free of cost
But make me a promise and stick to it
Never open my umbrella when it rains.. Never..
My umbrellas are not designed for showers
It should blossom like an inverted flower
Only when tears flow down your cheeks
My umbrellas are designed only for your tears.

6 Nov 2016

He, she and their love stories - II

"I love you" he had said
"I can never" she had replied
Today marks the 40th anniversary of his proposal
He now lives at a hill station
Happy and healthy in a small cottage
Married? No. But he has a partner
His imagination of her
He walks and talks with his illusion
"Don't you miss living with the real her?" I asked him
On my trip to his house yesterday
"Don't you think she is real?" he asked me back
Smiling and pointing to an empty chair
I looked outside his cottage's window at the grey sky
Did the creator want his creations to become such creators?
The empty chair burdened my heart
"She is not the real her. She is 'your' her" I mumbled
Not replying, he rose and walked towards her chair
He slowly planted a kiss on her forehead
A rain drop hit the roof as his tear drop hit the floor
"I live with 'my' her because I cannot, with the 'real' her.
But thousands keep loving 'their' hims and hers, 
Despite having the real hims and hers"
I stepped out of his cottage in the rain
The gentle drizzle fell in love with my heartfelt cry.