I like to save up my tears.
Whenever sadness gets excited
And knocks on my eyelids to let her out,
I tell her,
"Come on! Not now!
The worst is yet to come."
Let's get back to saving up tears
I have this problem of deviating from the topic
Like how tears deviate from our cheeks sometimes
Like how happy memories deviate from our hearts sometimes.
Why do I like deviating?
Because deviations open up new directions
Unlike how people want their lives to be
People prefer their lives to be structured
And people prefer the lives of other people to be structured as well.
25 years old - Aren't you married yet?
28 years old - Isn't your kid walking yet?
31 years old - Doesn't your house own you yet?
But I believe our society does this
Keeping in mind the welfare of future historians.
Imagine if a historian wanted to find
The average age by when people in this generation got married
Wouldn't his life be so easy
Because of our beautifully structured society?
Our society always does what is best for the future
Though that might ruin the present in the process
Which is fine
We have enough tears to shed, don't we?
Let's get back to saving up tears
And my real reason behind it.
I get distracted pretty easily
And I forget to feel sad when I should.
When something bad happens
My heart does not react immediately with tears
It first tries to paint a positive picture of the suffering
It then tries to wake me up to all the wisdom to be gained
It then lists down ambitious goals and keeps me busy.
By the time I remind myself that
Sadness had asked to be let out,
She sets out on a solo trip
To some deserted place surrounding depression.
When something bad happens again
This whole cycle is restarted
And my tears remain preserved thus.
Is it bad to hold back tears?
I am not sure
But I remember that when I was younger
Tears helped me differentiate between joy and sadness.
Of late, the lines have begun to blur
All happy incidents are registered with a tinge of sadness
All successes are recorded with a feeling of failure
Which makes me wonder if wishes actually come true.
I had once wished that I did not feel every emotion
As strongly as I did
And now, as I see my emotions jumbled up
Not letting me experience any emotion in its entirety
I wish to be forgiven
I wish for normalcy to be restored
I wish for a few tears to flow down.
Whenever sadness gets excited
And knocks on my eyelids to let her out,
I tell her,
"Come on! Not now!
The worst is yet to come."
Some people believe that this is pessimistic
But I refuse
Like I refuse many other beliefs.
Not agreeing with people makes you feel unique
And then time teaches you -
"Actions matter more than beliefs."
And you see you are just like everyone else
Which is not bad, is it?
Try telling that to advertising agencies
Try telling that to my generation
Try telling that to a data analyst
A data analyst whose dream project involves hyper-personalisation.
After all the search results are personalised
There would be fewer options for the soul to connect with.
But I refuse
Like I refuse many other beliefs.
Not agreeing with people makes you feel unique
And then time teaches you -
"Actions matter more than beliefs."
And you see you are just like everyone else
Which is not bad, is it?
Try telling that to advertising agencies
Try telling that to my generation
Try telling that to a data analyst
A data analyst whose dream project involves hyper-personalisation.
After all the search results are personalised
There would be fewer options for the soul to connect with.
Let's get back to saving up tears
I have this problem of deviating from the topic
Like how tears deviate from our cheeks sometimes
Like how happy memories deviate from our hearts sometimes.
Why do I like deviating?
Because deviations open up new directions
Unlike how people want their lives to be
People prefer their lives to be structured
And people prefer the lives of other people to be structured as well.
25 years old - Aren't you married yet?
28 years old - Isn't your kid walking yet?
31 years old - Doesn't your house own you yet?
But I believe our society does this
Keeping in mind the welfare of future historians.
Imagine if a historian wanted to find
The average age by when people in this generation got married
Wouldn't his life be so easy
Because of our beautifully structured society?
Our society always does what is best for the future
Though that might ruin the present in the process
Which is fine
We have enough tears to shed, don't we?
Let's get back to saving up tears
And my real reason behind it.
I get distracted pretty easily
And I forget to feel sad when I should.
When something bad happens
My heart does not react immediately with tears
It first tries to paint a positive picture of the suffering
It then tries to wake me up to all the wisdom to be gained
It then lists down ambitious goals and keeps me busy.
By the time I remind myself that
Sadness had asked to be let out,
She sets out on a solo trip
To some deserted place surrounding depression.
When something bad happens again
This whole cycle is restarted
And my tears remain preserved thus.
Is it bad to hold back tears?
I am not sure
But I remember that when I was younger
Tears helped me differentiate between joy and sadness.
Of late, the lines have begun to blur
All happy incidents are registered with a tinge of sadness
All successes are recorded with a feeling of failure
Which makes me wonder if wishes actually come true.
I had once wished that I did not feel every emotion
As strongly as I did
And now, as I see my emotions jumbled up
Not letting me experience any emotion in its entirety
I wish to be forgiven
I wish for normalcy to be restored
I wish for a few tears to flow down.
