12 Aug 2014

O Captain! My Captain!

To my dear captain Robin Williams,

I have been astonished by Robert de Niro's dedication. I have been fascinated by Morgan Freeman's underplayed portrayals. I have been dumbfounded by Sean Penn's versatility. But never have I respected or revered an actor more than you in all these years that I have spent watching innumerable films.


You might not be considered to be as serious an actor as Al Pacino or Robert deNiro. You might not have won three Academy awards as Daniel Day Lewis did. But you are one actor without whom Hollywood would have had a very large void (like it has now) and you are one artist without whom this world would have been less cheerful (like it is now).


But I am no way qualified to talk about your laurels or your achievements. All I could possibly do is pour out how much you, through your films, have changed my life.


Patch Adams, I would say, is one of your most underrated films. 


Many people have the occurrences of certain incidents that bring about a change in their lives. But a very simple dialogue of yours in the film, as you address the Medical Board brought about a very drastic change in my life. 


"What is wrong with death sir? What are we so mortally afraid of? Why can't we treat death with a certain amount of dignity and integrity and decency and God forbid, even humor. Death is not the enemy gentlemen. If we are gonna fight a disease, lets fight one of the most terrible diseases of all - Indifference.
Every human being has an impact on another. Why don't we want that in a patient-doctor relationship? When you treat a disease - you win, you lose. But when you treat a person, you win, no matter what is the outcome!"

Being at a point in life when a romantic partner seemed more necessary than the happenings in the outer world, this dialogue and every statement before and after this, struck me like a lightning. I was not a doctor but I did not have to be one to understand what real love meant. I realized the mistake I was doing trying to focus all my love towards one person when there were hundreds and thousands who begged for an ounce of care. If not for this great film, I would have still remained a very selfish person who cared only about himself and his own welfare. I might have even possibly entered in a relationship but I would never have got the irreplaceable memories of playing with many of God's forsaken angels. 

I thank you for that.


Dead Poet's Society - Of the several reasons that led me to take up writing seriously, this film of yours is one that is very important.


"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. Medicine, law, business, engineering - these are noble pursuits and are necessary to sustain life. But poetry - beauty, romance, love - these are what we stay alive for. 

To quote from Whitman: O me, O life of the questions of these recurring. Of the endless trains of the faithless.Of cities filled with the foolish. What good amid these, O me, O life?
Answer: That you are here. That life exists and identity. That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?"

This memorable scene and every word you utter in this scene shook me up from my very long slumber and pushed me ahead to contribute a verse to this ever-expanding universal poem of life. The life I started leading - filled with meaning and passion - starkly different to the purposeless and mundane life I had been leading, was a result of every single statement of yours from this timeless epic. 


I thank you for that.


Good Will Hunting - A film which taught me that experience was more important than imagination and living was more important than dreaming.


"Now, if I probably ask you about war, you would probably throw Shakespeare at me, right? 'Once more into the breach, dear friends!' But you have never been near one. You have never held your best friend's head in your lap and watch him gasp his last breath, looking at you for hope. If I ask you about love, you would probably quote me a sonnet. But you have never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. You have never come across a woman who could level you with her eyes. 

You are an orphan, right? Do you think I would know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel just because I have read Oliver Twist? I can't learn anything about you that I can read in some f***ing book! "

There was a time I thought I could understand the human race and its happenings from the countless books available. But you changed my mind. And I stopped reading. 

I started living.  
And I understood.
Standing at a mountain cliff and looking down below could only be experienced. Holding an orphan child and watching it laugh without a care in the world could only be experienced. Sitting besides an old helpless woman and patiently listen to her cheerfully recalling her adolescent days could only be experienced. 

I thank you for that. 


Good Morning, Vietnam - A film that showed me entertaining people and making them smile was important, even if it sometimes came at the cost of your otherwise-useless pride.

Mrs. Doubtfire - A film that showed me what sacrifice really meant.
Awakenings - A film that showed me what perseverance really meant.
And the list would go on and on.

I read today about various actors, filmmakers and comedians paying tributes to you, mentioning how much you had touched upon their lives and the life of every single person around you, both as a comic artist and as an actor. 


I just want you to know that of the lives of thousands you touched upon with your gentle soul, this 20 year old boy from India is also one.


I read in the reports that you had encountered asphyxiation and the reports claimed that it was a suicide that you had committed.

But don't you worry, my captain, about the rubbish reports that might try to portray you a coward unable to survive depression.

Because they would never know how courageous a man you were!

They would never understand the courage required to make oneself a clown and entertain people!
They would never understand the courage required to cover one's miseries to make a million people smile!
And they would definitely never understand the courage required to love every single person equally and selflessly!

After I glanced upon the headline - "Robin Williams dead" - today morning, my heart skipped many a beat. And as I looked at the picture that accompanied the report - the 'park scene' from Good Will Hunting - I couldn't control the tears that flowed down.

But I quickly wiped them and consoled myself.

I decided firmly that I would not cry. Because if I cried, you would have failed in your purpose of making everyone smile.


And so, my dear captain, I am not going to cry. I am not going to allow the fact that you are dead to register in my head. Instead, I am going to try to smile watching your countless memorable scenes from your extraordinary films. And I am going to live my entire life in the warmth of those scenes.


They would suffice till the day when I would meet you up there at Heaven (I pray that it exists at least for your sake), probably and possibly if I toil hard my entire life trying to be at least one percent the person you were.


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