26 Sept 2018

Home, sweet home...

(A short story - also, my 200th post - dedicated to a dear friend who cannot be thanked enough for leading these writings and this writer to this happy place)


I have always loved wet streets, wet walls, and wet sand with the love of a man who has received a surprise hug from his lover. But today, as I walk through the wet street leading to my wet house with an emotionally dried up family, my love for the wetness resembles the love of a man who is denied a hug from his lover because she has had a tiring day. I pass a television news reporter who is screaming at the camera pointed towards her. “…as Kerala reels out of one of the worst floods any Indian state has witnessed in the recent future, the Indian government is still accountable…” The sight of my house drains out the voice of the news reporter. I halt and look at the remains after an incessant rain. The large, iron-gate that served as the security guard to my father’s Hero Honda Splendor and as the wicket in the cricket games played between me and my sister is now missing. So are the hibiscus plants that my sister so dearly nurtured and the tulsi plants my mother so dearly revered. The television set and the refrigerator lie on the front-yard. A couple of earthworms slowly wriggle out of the butterfly-stickers-laden refrigerator.

My younger sister, Selvi, grabs my arm and breaks down on my shoulder. I notice my mother enacting a similar action with my father. I throw a glance at my father – the man who always has the funniest things to say. He replies with his silence, a silence that teaches me two things. One, my father’s words can be silenced only by nature and never by mankind. Two, it is time for me to step into my father’s shoes.

“Why all this sadness?” I understand my father’s greatness as I mask desperation with hope. “Come on! We wanted to renovate our house anyway.” My father lets out a chuckle and a teardrop. I wonder if the teardrop is for the loss of a house or for the gain of a successor. I place a mild slap on my sister’s cheek to shake her out of her sadness and lead her onto the front-yard.

“No more untimely roars from a refrigerator older than Selvi, and no more dancing visuals from a television set older than me.” My joke works with the entire family and the damp atmosphere begins to lighten up. I lead my family into the house. An unbearable stench welcomes us along with books and utensils spread on the floor. “Were there any leftovers from your mother’s cooking on the day we vacated our house? Nothing else can smell so bad!” My father’s comment signals his return to his normal self and also adds a smile to my mother’s tearful face. An unexpected natural disaster is best dealt with an internal family joke.

My sister and I start picking up the books and utensils. My father points to a stainless steel bowl inside which a snail is resting and makes a happy declaration. “Finally, we have become a non-vegetarian family.” My mother places a mild slap on my father’s back and joins us in picking up the utensils. My sister lets out a giggle as she picks up two books that have gotten glued to one another by water. She holds them like a prize as my father and I understand her joke. The books that have gotten glued are Richard Dawkins’s The God Delusion and Bhagavad Gita. My sister, the rationalist, carefully places the books on a table, not separating their embrace.

My mother steps into the kitchen with the utensils she has collected, and I follow her. The kitchen that had always glowed with the warmth of the first two Harry Potter films now seems to be filled with the eerie coldness of the last two Harry Potter films. My mother places the collected utensils on a shelf and slowly walks towards the battered wet grinder lying on the ground. I feel sorry as I look at my mother having to deal with the loss of her wedding gift from her parents. My sister enters the kitchen and rushes towards my mother to offer her a needed hug. Wanting to reduce the drama, my father also joins us in the kitchen with a ready remark. “Our son is 26 years old now. Let us just get him married immediately and demand a wet grinder from the girl’s parents.” I throw an angry look at my father as the kitchen warms up with laughter.

****

“Mom! Come here! Just take a look at this kitchen!” Selvi’s screams and her enthusiastic face from a faraway section direct me, my father and my mother towards her. We arrive at the section where Selvi is busy with opening and shutting cupboards. “How great would it be to have a modular kitchen at our home!” My mother nods in approval of Selvi’s statement and walks to join her inside the kitchen. I follow my mother, voicing my confusion to Selvi. “Have you taken a sudden liking to cooking?” Selvi throws me the look of a teacher trying to explain an extremely complex concept. “Why should I like cooking to want a beautiful kitchen? Isn’t an inclination towards good design enough to appreciate a good looking kitchen?” I realize my mistake in trying to take a dig at my sister.

I step out of the kitchen and join my father. “Are you liking this?” I doubt if a communist like him would enjoy an interstate visit to IKEA’s store in Hyderabad, especially in its opening week. “It is definitely fun. What is not to enjoy when one gets to learn about the microscopic concerns of people who shut themselves to the macroscopic problems?” I question my father’s statement, realizing that my family always answers with another question. “But then, a society is made up of a few hundred families. Shouldn’t the families want internal happiness to start working towards a happy society?” My father smiles and delivers a lasting punch. “The want for happiness in a family always grows with its expansion. How many families do you know that have stopped expanding?” I remain silent as a family walks past us, discussing about the number of bedrooms they would need once the two college-going sons in the family get married.

“I think we have spent enough time trying to figure the right look for our kitchen. Let us proceed towards the living room section. That’s the room that relatives notice when they visit.” My mother’s finding directs us to the living room section. “Wow! This one has a Japanese table in it. Let’s buy one for our home.” Selvi walks to the table and kneels before it. “We can all have our dinner on this table, with each person kneeling on each side.” I look at my father who lets out a sigh, indicating that a joke is to follow. “Selvi still hasn’t come out of her punishment habit from her school days.” I wink at Selvi and let out a laugh as my father receives a call on his mobile phone. He walks away with his mobile phone only to return after a few minutes with a serious face. “What happened?” My father looks at his mobile phone and calls out to my mother and sister to bring the family closer. “I just got a call from Nambi. It seems the rains are getting intense back home. Let us wrap this visit in the next one hour and try catching the next bus to Kerala.” My sister and mother nod and hurry towards the living room section while I stay with my father. My father starts making phone calls to the other neighbours in our area.

****

I exit the kitchen and enter my bedroom. All the efforts my sister and I would put to keep our cots as far apart from one another as possible seem to have been washed away by the floods. The cots remain one on top of the other. My sister’s wall paintings of butterflies seem to have flown away, leaving behind an empty canvas.

My father joins me and places his hand on my shoulder. “Are you worried?” I turn to look at him. “Are you?” He shakes his head and tightens his grasp on my shoulder. “We will overcome this.” He then lets go of my shoulder and folds his hands. “Do you have any money saved?” I nod. “Do you?” He looks at me with his trademark mischievous smile and replies. “I am not as playful as my remarks.” I feel slightly offended by his misjudgement of my judgment. “I did not refer to the remarks or playfulness. I referred to the communism.” He remains silent. After a thoughtful minute, he turns to look at my mother and sister still seated in the kitchen. “Maybe it will do them some good to visit the IKEA store again.” I look at him confused. “Let’s just say that I am a better husband and a father than a communist.” I return him his mischievous smile with my reply. “Aren’t we all?”

My father and I walk to the living room where my sister also joins us. “Mom wants us to search the entire house and gather the scattered idols of Gods. She wants to perform a pooja before proceeding further.” The three of us separate in different directions and set out on our spiritual quest. After the passage of half an hour, we meet again in the living room with damaged and muddy idols in our hands. “I finally found God.” My sister winks after her joke and my father and I let out a hearty laugh. My mother joins us with two clean, undamaged idols which she had packed with her while vacating our house. She arranges all the idols in neat rows, like school students waiting to be photographed for the school album. She then lights a lamp before them and begins her prayer. My father, my sister, and I silently stand behind my mother, knowing well that my mother’s prayers would suffice for the entire family. As I look at the tiny temple my mother has created for the Gods, I am reminded of my state’s pet name.
Deivathinde swantham naadu. God’s own country.

2 Sept 2018

Understanding art through a haircut and bruschetta

Last weekend, I visited the barbershop in the neighboring street. The barbershop where my barber friend offered me a haircut for 70 rupees and his political opinions for free.  
Last weekend, the topic of discussion happened to be Karunanidhi's death. As hair strands kept falling before my eyes, we discussed about the possible protests that would have erupted had Karunanidhi been denied his final resting place at the Marina beach. In the middle of our discussion, my friend suddenly paused and held a mirror behind my head. He asked if I was satisfied with the amount of trimming on the back of my head. I did not care to pay much attention and hastily nodded in agreement. 
Our discussion continued and a couple of minutes later, my friend paused again to ask if the trimming on the sides of my head was enough. I smiled and calmly replied, "Just give me a haircut that will keep me out of your shop for at least 1 month." My friend laughed and continued his work. 
After about five minutes, he wrapped up his finishing touches and admired my hairstyle. He held the mirror again to the back of my head, to the sides of my head and eagerly looked at my reflection in the mirror hung before me for my approval. I showed him a thumbs-up and as my friend happily began to untie the cloth that had covered me from the falling hair strands, a realization hit me. 
My barber friend cared more about my hairstyle than I did.
For me, the haircut was just a solution to keep my hair out of my ears and eyes. Nothing more. Nothing less. But it wasn't so for my friend. Which gladdened and saddened me in equal measures. 
I was glad because I had met a man who put his heart and soul into his work. I was sad because I did not even attempt to understand his work. 

****

Four days after the haircut, I visited an Italian restaurant near my office. I ended up there since my team was in a mood for authentic pizzas and pastas. As my teammates patiently examined the menu card to decide upon the most mouthwatering dishes, I downed my second glass of drinking water in an attempt to prevent my face and stomach from emitting signs/sounds indicative of my terrible hunger.
My hunger made me wonder if my teammates assumed that they were on a real Italian vacation. They seemed to be conversing and laughing and deciding dishes at a very leisurely pace. Screw you, Dolce Far Niente! In comparison, I seemed to be a man stuck in a Bangalore traffic signal, irritated by the ten seconds remaining for the signal to turn green.
Fortunately, after what seemed like the time required to explore the entirety of Venice and Rome, the waiter brought the starter dish. It was called bruschetta. My hunger did not care if it was bruschetta or bhel puri or bisi bele bath. All that mattered was that it was edible.
I did not care for dining etiquette and reached out for the dish. The waiter stopped me. "Let me serve you the dish, sir." I agreed with a forced smile as my stomach growled.
The waiter took a piece of roasted bread and slowly applied olive oil to one side of the bread. Meanwhile, my stomach armed itself with a pistol. The waiter then took a tiny piece of garlic and gently rubbed the same side of the bread. My stomach unlocked the safety lock in the pistol and was ready to fire at the waiter. The waiter then placed a basil leaf on top of the bread and slowly arranged diced tomatoes one after the other on the basil leaf. Boom! Boom! Boom! My stomach had fired 3 fatal shots already.
The waiter then carefully placed/presented the dish on my plate. "Oh you poor soul! You have already been executed." My stomach let out an evil laugh at the waiter. I picked up the bruschetta and ate it, only to be reminded of the bread-sandwiches I would prepare with my brother when we did not have enough time and ingredients.
My hunger satisfied itself, giving up all hope on food, and I relaxed on my chair, embracing the Italian lifestyle.
But as I relaxed, I noticed the waiter passionately preparing the bruschetta, one after another, for my teammates. His face glowed as he repeatedly applied the olive oil, rubbed the garlic on the bread, placed the basil leaf and arranged the diced tomatoes. His face glowed more as he saw smiles spreading out on my teammates' faces as they chewed upon the bruschetta. Which gladdened and saddened me in equal measures. 
I was glad because I had met a man who put his heart and soul into his work. I was sad because I did not even attempt to understand his work. 

****

For me, fashion and food are only the means to an end (a good life) and not an end in themselves. Owing to this, I have missed many opportunities to appreciate the artistry behind hairdressing and cooking/serving. 
As I understood this aspect of mine through the above incidents, I also understood people who have missed many opportunities to appreciate the artistry behind writing and filmmaking. 
For many people, books and films can be only the means to an end (a good life) and not an end in themselves.  

After this realization hit me, I visited the barbershop in the neighboring street. My barber friend was discussing about the floods in Kerala with a customer. I interrupted him, shook his hand and thanked him. My friend did not understand. "I feel extremely light-headed now." My explanation did not help him. I thanked him again and walked out.

15 Aug 2018

Choosing hope...

A project that I am currently leading in my office is about to shut down in two weeks' time because of funding issues at the client's end. A teammate, during a conversation two days back, asked me if I had started approaching other teams in my office regarding available openings. I told him that I was still hopeful of finding a sponsor for our project from the client's side. He let out a chuckle. "Don't you think you are being too optimistic? Haven't you faced bad times? Are you a guy who believes in happy endings?" 
I understood where his questions came from. 

There exists a perception that being hopeful arises out of an inexperience of life's hardships, or out of naiveté. But why cannot hope be a choice?
Life does seem unfair more often than not but isn't it better to believe than to just buckle in?
Isn't it better to strive for a surprise or a shock than simply surrender?

I am not trying to romanticize suffering by the above lines. Suffering does cause a strain. 
But by succumbing and settling in a safe shelter, aren't we losing out on living a full life? With such an outlook, when would our hearts get to reach a high?

I tried explaining these thoughts to my teammate. His face turned curious. "But, doesn't losing hurt?" I nodded and added a learning. "Not putting in the effort hurts more." It is better to hope and get hurt than hold regrets. He was not convinced. I asked him to hope for hope. He laughed. 

****

When I began publishing posts here four years ago, I would start typing down a piece only when I had my thoughts structured in their entirety, from the start to the end. The content mattered more than the form. But as I persisted with the translation process of thoughts to text, I started falling in love with the writing process more than the idea. 
The endings of the posts started mattering less. I liked letting words conjure up sentences and come to their own conclusion when they could continue no more. 
I started writing simply for the sake of writing and not for publishing. 

I believe being hopeful is a similar process.
One starts putting in the efforts and starts staying positive not primarily for the outcome but for the simple pleasures of living.
A post might turn out good or bad. An event might turn out good or bad.
But one is always the better for having written/hoped.

5 Aug 2018

To my other friends...

The friend who listens to all my stories:
My coffee mug is white colored and narrow-necked, with a curved handle resembling the outline of a human ear. Many a day, I have wondered if this resemblance is the reason for my mug being such a good listener. Be it a happy story or a sad story, my mug always listens patiently and advises, "Have a sip." And with every sip, I am made to realize that life is also like coffee - bittersweet. When the memories are sad, I embrace the entire mug longingly and when the memories are happy, I hold on to the handle with gratitude. Be it the early morning hours or the twilight hours, my coffee mug will always sit across me and lend an ear, letting out steam for all the pressures in my life. 

The friend who will never let go:
My sweatshirt is black colored and two years old with a hood. Unlike other sweatshirts, mine is open to nature and is closed to people. It lowers the hood when it rains but it protects me in a room full of strangers. It takes a nap during sunshine and it loosens up in the midst of friends. My sweatshirt holds this unchangeable opinion that my heart is visible to others and so, it zips up when I am sad. I try telling my sweatshirt that it is okay to let go at times but it remains a steadfast friend who would not let go. Be it a celebratory t-shirt or an uninterested formal shirt or a caring casual shirt, my sweatshirt always ensures that warm hugs are available for every dress and emotion I experience. 

The philosophical friend:
My mobile camera is 24 MP sharp and it allows me to capture photos on 'portrait' mode. But it lays down strict rules such as to use 'portrait' mode only for capturing natural entities and man-made objects. "Respect the spirit residing in non-human elements," it guides me, as it lets me adjust the composition before capturing the photo. It also quotes two other lines constantly. "Celebrate the ordinary"."Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder". When I stumble upon a beautiful landscape or an extraordinary moment, it shuts off forcing me to enjoy the experience, and when I sigh at the mundaneness of something, it opens up throwing light on the beauty I failed to notice. My mobile camera is a friend that has helped me change my perspective about life. 

The friends in need:
My earphones are designed by 'Sennheiser' and my headphones are designed by 'JBL'. They always manage to know when to remain silent and when to play music. At times, when I consciously keep replaying a sad thought, they throw a Rahman song or a Hans Zimmer soundtrack at me. They refuse to leave my ears when I want to cry and they refuse to stay on my ears when birds are singing. They know what to sing when I am travelling; they know what to sing when I am stuck at work. They help me filter out all the abuses and anger, and they help me listen to only love and laughter. They never let me feel lonely and whenever words fail me, they jump into my ears and help my thoughts attain a rhythm.  

The entertaining gang:
The books I read come from different backgrounds and in all possible shapes and sizes. Every book is filled with countless stories and is incredibly interesting that the books, individually, gift me a good time and as a gang, they lead me into new worlds of joy and intellectual bliss. They are so loving that they share numerous stories with me and never expect a story in return, completely understanding my introverted nature. They are so content that they do not even mind if they never get a chance to leave my home. The journey between my bookshelf and my bedroom is satisfying enough for them. These books are truly my friends with whom I can stop a conversation midway and start it from the exact, same point even after the passage of months or years.

****

As I reach a 'Friendship day' in life where I have run out of ways to express my gratitude to wonderful human friends, I have tried describing my other friends to whom my gratitude has been long overdue. 
I have been understood by these friends as much as I have been understood by some amazing humans. 
With limitless love, I wish my other friends a very happy friendship day.

15 Jul 2018

A golden plant


I came across a golden plant tonight
She smiled and shone like a shy moon
Illuminated by her charming sun - the street light
The same street light under which mosquitoes sing,
Kids play badminton, and dogs bark at beggars
The same street light that does not have a political stance
Or an economical one
For it campaigns for multiple political parties
And rents out a 2BHK flat at Rs 20,000 per month
And rallies for a trade union strike happening next week
But why talk about a street light
When we have a golden plant?

I came across a golden plant tonight
She would have put my mom's jewelry to shame
Being beautifully lit by her endearing flame - the street light
The same street light that brightens up the textbooks of poor kids
And guards the return of people to their homes late night
The same street light that sweetens up pani-puris and momos
And glistens up the sweat beads of midnight food-delivery boys
The same street light that serves as the sun to security guards
And gleefully romances balcony after balcony in the surrounding flats
But why talk about a street light
When we have a golden plant?

I came across a golden plant tonight
She glowed like the FIFA world cup trophy at display everywhere
Basking in the love of her fan - the street light
The same street light that seems to be ashamed for some reason
With its head bowed down at all times
The same street light that measures the intensity of rain
And provides comfort of a power cut all around
The same street light that waves a flickering welcome to bats
And bids a serene goodbye to sparrows and pigeons
But why talk about a metaphorical golden plant
When we have a real one?

26 Jun 2018

Gods of Globalization

(A short story dedicated to the man who wrote Animal Farm and 1984, and whose 115th birthday fell yesterday)

"Sure, Mr. Ganesh. Sure. We understand your concerns. We can definitely look into the 'Prayer granting framework' and investigate what went wrong." Ajit tried his best to convince Mr.Ganesh who was audibly angry. But it was clearly not working. He pressed the 'Mute' button on the Polycom device and looked at his team. "Do you guys think we can fix the issue?" His 8-membered-team of 25-year-olds did not answer. "Do you guys have an estimate for the fix?" Silence again. He pressed the 'Mute' button again to go audible. "Mr.Ganesh, we just had a quick internal discussion here. The team is of the opinion that we should be able to fix the framework by tomorrow EOD."

"Hey, Ajit. This is Jesus here. Are you guys confident that you can fix the issue by tomorrow?"
A smile spread over Ajit's face. Mr.Jesus was a more lenient client that Mr.Ganesh.
"Definitely, Mr.Jesus. We are a 150% sure that the framework will be functioning at its best by tomorrow." Ajit's team members helplessly looked at each other as another sleepless night lay in wait.
"Sounds good, Ajit. But just take an extra day perhaps, so that you can recheck the fixes. Guess you had over-promised even to Hanuman last week and had shared a faulty tool."
But Ajit was not willing to take an extra day. Fixing an issue faster was more important than fixing an issue the right way.
"We understand your concerns, Mr.Jesus. But this time, we are sure that the framework should be up and running by tomorrow."
One of Ajit's team members started typing out a WhatsApp message to his friend - 'Dude.. Am not going to be able to make it to the movie tonight. Find someone else..'
"Okay then, Ajit. Let's wrap this call now. Drop a mail tomorrow once the framework is fixed. Thank you."
"Thanks a lot, Mr. Jesus. Thank you for your time. Thank you too, Mr. Ganesh. Have a great day."
A grumpy 'Thank you' was heard from Mr.Ganesh.

Ajit disconnected the call. "Can someone explain to me what the hell went wrong this time?" Ajit's team members did not answer. "This is the 7th time I have had to apologize to these silly Gods for a sillier mistake." Silence prevailed for a minute. A team member finally gathered the courage to speak up. "We are committing the same mistake time and again, Ajit. We should not be giving these impossible timelines when we know it only worsens things."
Ajit rose from his chair and picked up a marker. He then walked to the white board plastered to the wall of the conference room. "Help me understand how this timeline is impossible. Let us break down the tasks hour by hour."
One of Ajit's team members started typing out a WhatsApp message to his dad - 'Would be held up in office tonight. You and mom go ahead with the cake cutting for Preethi.'
"Help me understand, guys. What is the first task?" Ajit wrote an intimidating 1 on the white board and circled it. One of the team members visualized herself as the '1' trapped inside Ajit's circle.
The next hour was spent thus from differing viewpoints:
  • Ajit's viewpoint - Creating an exhaustive hour-level breakdown of the fix for the framework
  • His team's viewpoint - Planning needlessly for a fix that would result in a bigger error

These hour-level breakdowns had become a routine after the Great Gods organization had become a client. The Great Gods had approached Ajit's data analytics startup with a problem statement as below.
The prayer data we receive has been exponentially growing with every passing day. It has become difficult to differentiate the good prayers from the evil ones. Help us design a system that sorts these prayers and generates a final list of prayers to be answered.

Ajit had gotten excited with the problem statement. More so because he could visualize this project leading to a chain of potential projects in the future. Ajit and his team had devised a plan for a 6-month long program and had labeled it, 'The God Program'. The components of the program were as below, as written in one of Ajit's team member's notebooks.
  • Prayer granting framework - 1 month (Real timeline - 3 months)
  • Prayer forecasting framework - 2 months (Real timeline - 4 months)
  • Devotee churn analysis - 1 month (Real timeline - 3 months)
  • Devotion campaign management - 1 month (Real timeline - 2 months)
  • God performance tracker - 1 month (Real timeline - 3 months)

Ajit's clients had been surprised by such an ambitious plan but since they had witnessed all possible miracles of mankind, they had given a go ahead to the program. And so had started the string of errors and the hour-level breakdowns that had become a routine. Ajit's team members never had the time needed for quality control, which meant that every deployment of the framework led to serious consequences. The team usually caught these errors only through the error logs, which were the newspapers. But their most recent error had led to a devastating consequence - the start of a civil war in a middle east country. And hence the grumpy responses from Mr.Ganesh, and hence Ajit's promise to fix the framework in a day.

22 hours later, Ajit sent out a mail to Mr.Ganesh and Mr.Jesus that the issue in the 'Prayer granting framework' was fixed and his team had double-checked the fix. When Ajit's team members read his mail, one member questioned his teammates curiously, "Did we even finish all the quality checks once?" They replied that there were 3 more checks pending. But then, one of the members joked, "How can things possibly get worse than yesterday?" and the team let out a hearty laugh.
The next morning, one of the team members posted a message - 'Guys! We have screwed up again!' - on the WhatsApp group that Ajit was not a part of. When another member asked him what had happened, he shared a news article on the group. 
The title of the news article read, 'The United States of America elects its 45th president'.

13 Jun 2018

Mirror, mirror, what do you see?

I move my hand gently over the mirror
I carefully study my reflection
My reflection looks like a different person
He does not resemble me..
When I feel tears cleansing my face
He seems to be smiling peacefully
When I feel ants biting continuously at my heart
He seems to be smiling peacefully
When I feel silence breathing upon me
He seems to be smiling peacefully
When I feel loneliness embracing me dearly
He seems to be smiling peacefully
When I feel the weight of others' sorrows
He seems to be smiling peacefully
When I feel suffocated in an empty space
He seems to be smiling peacefully..


I want to help him
I try breaking the mirror
I first use my fists
That have turned softer by wiping away tears
I then use my heart
Which has become the hardest part of my body
And only then does it hit me
I am the one trapped inside the mirror
I am the one trapped with the truth
He is living happily in the outside world
He is living happily with a lie
I want to help him
I need to break this mirror
Can someone help me please?
Or rather, can someone help him please?