Love is not heaven. Love is not hell.
Love is something as real as earth can get.
There always seems to be a want for love to be a fantasy, for love to be a dream, for love to be something more than love. Love is expected to push aside all pain. Love is expected to make every moment memorable. Love is expected to make life better.
Love sure does tick off all these check-boxes. Yes. But at times, it also tries to be a lot more.
Something more than just a happy evening. Something more than just a prolonged conversation. Something more than just a never-ending walk.
And that is when the heart starts to cover itself. That tiny four chambered guy doesn't seem to be ready for the deliverance of unrequited affection. Guess he is as selfish as our human race.
Why do we exhibit such a desperateness for a happy ending?
After all, the ending, whether happy or not would only lead to a new beginning. Why then the desperateness?
Smile and laughter are given too much importance. They sure enrich our lives. Science puts forth facts that they increase one's lifespan. But why not show the same affection towards a tear drop? Why does crying become a weakness?
Tears help in purification. Literally and metaphorically. They help us introspect. More importantly, they help us live.
But such views become sadistic excuses for a failure. Or, do they?
Hardships, I would say, do not get the due they deserve. They are projected more with the adjectives of dark and cruel when all they really do is define us the path we often fear to take. They help us get more appreciative and grateful. More importantly, they help us live.
I would go on making up such abstract statements that make little sense.
But I am fed up with them. At least, for this post.
****
I had no idea what love was when I entered college. And I have very little idea what love is as I near the end of it.
I was of the opinion that a romantic relationship would throw light upon the topic of love. But all it managed to do was muddle up the opinions I had had before.
I believed that a proper understanding of the thought process of the opposite gender would facilitate easier access. But how do you go about that? Asking girls to sit down and presenting them a questionnaire that makes them reveal their decision making process would be one way. But I guess a degree in the field of psychology and a bald head would make things easier with such a task rather than the qualification of a classmate or worse, a college mate.
I fortunately happened to have a friend equally interested in cracking the 'love puzzle' - that's how we termed it. We would discuss for hours together as to the selection criteria of a romantic partner, expectation levels that exist in a relationship, reasons that might lead to the end of it all and many such elements revolving around love, forgetting the fact that both of us were survivors of a failed romance. But most of our conversations would end with a story from his side or mine, taken out from our romantic phase and as I recall those stories now, I cannot think of a single instance when we shared those stories regretfully. Those stories were a way of asserting ourselves that we were more than just thinkers.
And one of the most important conclusions that we arrived upon from our discussions was that people with greater understanding of the human nature, more than most, failed at romantic relationships (We even had 5 test cases that served as evidences for our finding). We opined that people who are more possessive, more expectant and not ready to provide the partner complete freedom had more chances of succeeding at love than the more compassionate and empathizing individuals. Thinking about it now, the finding seems more of a theory the two of us had devised to make up for our inabilities to succeed at love. But then, the love issues that I hear (and at times, observe) from my friends continue to provide more strength to our finding.
Why such deep analyses into something that is more a matter of the heart than of the brain - I kept asking myself this question often. But when I set aside the psychological aspects, the hurt increased. Many friends of mine seemed to be in pain for no faults of theirs. And every such scenario that I came across, reminded me of a very close-to-my-heart statement from 'The Perks of being a Wallflower'.
We accept the love we think we deserve.
How true?!
But then, I have also had the fortune of being a part of many a happy memory, on a personal level as well as on a 'friendly' level. Those moments - I could say with certainty - when they occur, make you turn a blind eye towards everything rational and logical. There is an indescribable emotion at work unlike any other which makes the letting go of a loved one much more difficult.
Speaking of which, letting go is considered by many as an act of cowardice. There is a belief that a person in love should always hold on to his loved one as if the letting go would make them both unfit for life.
Yes. Letting go does leave you with unhealed scars. But sometimes, life presents you with a setting that makes you realize that holding onto desperately would only add further to the misery. And only the person who lets go would know about the mental strength he/she had to bring about in order to liberate the heart of the one thing that seemed like a source of eternal joy.
Letting go is one of the hardest things to do in life. Perhaps, it is also one of the bravest things.
I do not remember the source but this is a quote that I often remember to console my heart that it had not made a mistake.
"When you like a flower, you pluck it and keep it with you for a while. When you love a flower, you admire its beauty as it is and leave it untouched. You let it bloom, let it live its life."
How true?!
A college life is never complete without a love story, they say.
When you have a happy story, the reminiscence becomes a reward.
When you have a sad story, the reminiscence could still be a reward. If your flower had been a really great one.
I just happened to come across one such flower.
Love is something as real as earth can get.
There always seems to be a want for love to be a fantasy, for love to be a dream, for love to be something more than love. Love is expected to push aside all pain. Love is expected to make every moment memorable. Love is expected to make life better.
Love sure does tick off all these check-boxes. Yes. But at times, it also tries to be a lot more.
Something more than just a happy evening. Something more than just a prolonged conversation. Something more than just a never-ending walk.
And that is when the heart starts to cover itself. That tiny four chambered guy doesn't seem to be ready for the deliverance of unrequited affection. Guess he is as selfish as our human race.
Why do we exhibit such a desperateness for a happy ending?
After all, the ending, whether happy or not would only lead to a new beginning. Why then the desperateness?
Smile and laughter are given too much importance. They sure enrich our lives. Science puts forth facts that they increase one's lifespan. But why not show the same affection towards a tear drop? Why does crying become a weakness?
Tears help in purification. Literally and metaphorically. They help us introspect. More importantly, they help us live.
But such views become sadistic excuses for a failure. Or, do they?
Hardships, I would say, do not get the due they deserve. They are projected more with the adjectives of dark and cruel when all they really do is define us the path we often fear to take. They help us get more appreciative and grateful. More importantly, they help us live.
I would go on making up such abstract statements that make little sense.
But I am fed up with them. At least, for this post.
****
I had no idea what love was when I entered college. And I have very little idea what love is as I near the end of it.
I was of the opinion that a romantic relationship would throw light upon the topic of love. But all it managed to do was muddle up the opinions I had had before.
I believed that a proper understanding of the thought process of the opposite gender would facilitate easier access. But how do you go about that? Asking girls to sit down and presenting them a questionnaire that makes them reveal their decision making process would be one way. But I guess a degree in the field of psychology and a bald head would make things easier with such a task rather than the qualification of a classmate or worse, a college mate.
I fortunately happened to have a friend equally interested in cracking the 'love puzzle' - that's how we termed it. We would discuss for hours together as to the selection criteria of a romantic partner, expectation levels that exist in a relationship, reasons that might lead to the end of it all and many such elements revolving around love, forgetting the fact that both of us were survivors of a failed romance. But most of our conversations would end with a story from his side or mine, taken out from our romantic phase and as I recall those stories now, I cannot think of a single instance when we shared those stories regretfully. Those stories were a way of asserting ourselves that we were more than just thinkers.
And one of the most important conclusions that we arrived upon from our discussions was that people with greater understanding of the human nature, more than most, failed at romantic relationships (We even had 5 test cases that served as evidences for our finding). We opined that people who are more possessive, more expectant and not ready to provide the partner complete freedom had more chances of succeeding at love than the more compassionate and empathizing individuals. Thinking about it now, the finding seems more of a theory the two of us had devised to make up for our inabilities to succeed at love. But then, the love issues that I hear (and at times, observe) from my friends continue to provide more strength to our finding.
Why such deep analyses into something that is more a matter of the heart than of the brain - I kept asking myself this question often. But when I set aside the psychological aspects, the hurt increased. Many friends of mine seemed to be in pain for no faults of theirs. And every such scenario that I came across, reminded me of a very close-to-my-heart statement from 'The Perks of being a Wallflower'.
We accept the love we think we deserve.
How true?!
But then, I have also had the fortune of being a part of many a happy memory, on a personal level as well as on a 'friendly' level. Those moments - I could say with certainty - when they occur, make you turn a blind eye towards everything rational and logical. There is an indescribable emotion at work unlike any other which makes the letting go of a loved one much more difficult.
Speaking of which, letting go is considered by many as an act of cowardice. There is a belief that a person in love should always hold on to his loved one as if the letting go would make them both unfit for life.
Yes. Letting go does leave you with unhealed scars. But sometimes, life presents you with a setting that makes you realize that holding onto desperately would only add further to the misery. And only the person who lets go would know about the mental strength he/she had to bring about in order to liberate the heart of the one thing that seemed like a source of eternal joy.
Letting go is one of the hardest things to do in life. Perhaps, it is also one of the bravest things.
I do not remember the source but this is a quote that I often remember to console my heart that it had not made a mistake.
"When you like a flower, you pluck it and keep it with you for a while. When you love a flower, you admire its beauty as it is and leave it untouched. You let it bloom, let it live its life."
How true?!
A college life is never complete without a love story, they say.
When you have a happy story, the reminiscence becomes a reward.
When you have a sad story, the reminiscence could still be a reward. If your flower had been a really great one.
I just happened to come across one such flower.
(The College Diaries is
a shameless attempt to increase the number of posts in this blog in a short
span of time and in the process, recall and cherish various instances and
incidents of my college life that strike pain and pleasure in the heart in this
last fortnight I spend here.)
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