Prologue
There is a scene in Jigarthanda that plays out like this:
The protagonist, who comes across a lot of obstacles in order to achieve his penultimate dream of becoming a filmmaker, stands outside the entry doors of a theater. It is the first screening of his debut film. He waits outside, tensed and perplexed. And after about a few minutes as he hears a particular scene ending, he starts a countdown from three. It is a scene where he expects the audience to cheer. And by the time he reaches one, there erupts a huge cheer inside the theater and the protagonist starts jumping in celebration.
His dream comes true. He becomes a filmmaker.
****
Two days back, at about 7 pm in the night, when I received a phone call from my close friend, I did not know that it would be a phone call that would result in a defining moment of my life.
My friend had called to discuss about making a video. A video about our classmates. A tribute video to be exact. The next day (yesterday) was going to be the last working day of our college life. And my friend wanted to make it a memorable one. So had come the suggestion of making a tribute video. Excited will not be the exact description of the feeling that overcame me when I heard his statement. But I did not want to refuse his request outright and continued listening to what he had to say.
"I don't have a clear concept as to how it should proceed. But it should contain the photograph of every single person in our class. It should be ready before tomorrow noon. Most importantly, it should not be too emotional and at the same time it should not be too funny. They should be moved but they should also laugh. I don't want it to be too serious." - These were the lines that followed the request. I remained silent for a moment and said, "Please do end this call and do something else useful. What you ask for is not possible. That too within tomorrow."
But my friend refused to listen. He told me that he would collect photographs of all the students of our class and mail me within 10 pm and ended the call. I was really angry that he had not listened to what I had said.
I started watching a film I had left halfway due to his call. But about ten minutes into the film, I couldn't concentrate on it. For some reason, my mind still seemed to be occupied with the video-making thought. I paused the film and laid back silently on my cot. I thought for a few minutes about the video. I knew that making it would be difficult, especially according to his whims but I just wanted to think about how one would possibly approach it. I visualized about 10-15 photographs of our classmates scrolling one after the other but it seemed very mundane. I squeezed my brain trying to think of an idea that would be logical and would connect the photographs. I couldn't come up with any.
And I decided to do that thing which was/is/will be the main reason I want to become a filmmaker - research. The research that a filmmaker normally does before making a film seldom gets noticed. Though 'research' before a film is more prevalent in European and American cinema (thanks to their solid plots), certain Indian filmmakers also do do their fair bit of 'research' before starting a film.
When 'Colorblind' became a song of friendship
I was blank for a moment as to what research I could possibly do for a simple video as the one my friend had demanded but I still wanted to see the normal format followed for such videos and I dived into Youtube's 'classmate tribute' videos and 'goodbye' videos. Most of the videos had a standard template - photos that scrolled one after the other with a melancholic song in the background, especially a song that had the words 'goodbye' or 'friend' repeated in them often. I felt that playing out a similar song would be very normal but the songs somehow seemed to be creating the required aura and so I started searching for a powerful 'Goodbye' song. And two did come my way - Goodbye my friend by Linda Ronstadt and Saying Goodbye by Karina Long.
But it was only then that a song came to my mind which, when heard, created a similar atmosphere - Colorblind by Overtone. One of my favorites, thanks to Invictus. I immediately played it on my music player but hesitated for a moment as to how I could insert a song about the apartheid struggles and the game of rugby in South Africa into a video about friendship. As I lay thinking, listening to the song playing in my music player, I was pleasantly surprised. The lyrics seemed to, in a deeper sense, signify friendship.
Hear me say it's time we stopped our hate
Eye to eye we see a different fate..
Yes we.. we've conquered the war
With love at the core..
I stumble, I fall, but I'll stay
Colorblind!
Moreover, college was the place where I gave up my bullshit principle of conversing only with fair-skinned and beautiful girls and in a sense, Colorblind was a tribute to my college life as well. And it was the first thing that got me interested in making a video that would instill a much required confidence in my in-a-helpless-state passion.
When photographs became more than just photographs
It was nearly 12 in the midnight when my friend mailed me the photos of our classmates requesting me to begin the video. I downloaded them but I was more than overcome by sleep that I could even take a look at them. I closed the laptop and went to sleep, deciding to give the video a try the next morning.
As I woke up the next day - yesterday morning - by around 6 am, I opened my laptop again to give the photos a glance. I wanted to see the kind of photos that my friend had got hold of. And as I opened the folder, I was shocked to see that he had collected more than 70 photos of our class's 36 girls (which in it is a big achievement with trying to keep the entire task a secret and I need to thank two other classmates - a special thanks to you 'poet'uu' as you read this) and I copied those photos and put them together with the photos of our class boys that I had already collected. I opened the first photo in the folder and as I slowly moved on from one photo to the other, happened something I had not expected. I was beginning to experience an inexplicable feeling. I honestly don't want to even try describing it here because it was a feeling that I had never ever felt before and one that I would cherish till my last breath. And as I came to the last photograph, I couldn't even think. My mind had gone blank so contrary to my heart that was at its heaviest.
And it was only then that I realized what my friend had meant the earlier day. The heavy feeling slowly subsided after a few minutes and I opened the photos again. This time, the inexplicable feeling did occur again but in a much more joyous way. And I decided that I had to do the video. Not for Colorblind. Not for my friend. But for that simple inexplicable feeling.
It just couldn't be kept mine. It needed to be shared.
When 'that one moment' occurred
It was about 3 in the afternoon as my friend and I completed the video. The entire morning had been spent creating collages out of those beautiful photographs and laughing heartily between the two of us thinking about the hash-tags that were about to precede each of the photograph.
In 15 minutes, the farewell event was about to start. And I wanted to see a preview of the video. My friend walked away saying that he did not want to see it for a personal reason of his. I tried to persuade him to watch it but he refused and I was left watching the video alone. As the video reached its end, I was once again overcome with very same feeling that had happened in the morning. And I was happy and afraid at the same time. Happy that it had come out in the very way I had imagined but afraid if it would create the same inexplicable feeling among my classmates. But it was time to start the farewell event and I accompanied my friend to the room where all the other classmates had gathered.
About thirty minutes of sincere heart-pourings later, my friend called me to connect the laptop to the projector. Projectors had been installed in all our classrooms to facilitate presentations during classes but we were going to use the projector now to screen a video, accompanied by audio as well. I was completely filled with fear - half of it as to what would happen if a faculty passing by our class heard the sound and caught us and the other half as to how it would be received by my classmates.
I had already had a disastrous experience during the screening of a 3 minute video I had made about 'Energy crisis' for an event conducted by the Mechanical Engineering department in our college during which about 30 seconds into the video, every one in the room had started chatting among themselves completely ignoring the video.
And I decided that I would not stay in the room when the tribute video started playing out. I couldn't take in one more such ignorance. And I told my friend that I would wait outside till the video got over so as to ensure that no faculty came by our class (which was also a part of the reason, though only a part) and stepped outside, closing the door behind me.
I kept pacing around the class for about a few minutes when I kept hearing constant murmur inside. And then suddenly the murmur stopped. I couldn't hear any sound and I realized that the video had started. My heart skipped a beat.
For a moment, I wanted to open the door and step inside. I wanted to see the faces of every single person watching the video and the reactions on those faces. But I couldn't bring about myself to open the door. I controlled my emotions and waited outside. And then erupted a sudden cheer inside. A large smile spread over my face.
I knew that the cheers would be heard frequently from that moment as my friend and I had intentionally prepared the video that way. And I was not disappointed.
But it was the end of the song Someday that I was waiting for. The end of the song marked the end of the photographs of our classmates and an intentional 5 second gap had been left before the end part of the video continued. I felt that any person watching that video would feel that the end of the photographs marked the end of the video and the reaction that followed would be the most honest reaction to the video. And as the song Someday started, I waited with bated breath. The cheers kept coming frequently but it was the end that mattered. And as the song came to its end, I stood as close to the door as possible and the moment the song ended, erupted a huge applause that quickly stopped as the video continued after the 5 second gap. But I did not care any more.
The applause had given a new meaning to every single film that I had watched trying to analyse and learn. The applause had given a new meaning to every single article and every single book that I had read about filmmaking. The applause had given a new meaning to my in-a-helpless-state passion.
I had become 1/1000th of a filmmaker and it was more than I ever thought I would achieve in my lifetime.
****
Epilogue
As I entered my hostel room by 6 in the evening after spending one more hour at the farewell event and having a small meal at the canteen, I took out my phone from my pocket. It was filled with messages from many of my classmates, thanking me and my friend for having created the video. Some of them had added that it had meant a lot for them and had made the day an unforgettable one.
The video had achieved its purpose. The inexplicable feeling had been shared.
But I didn't know how to reply to those messages. Everyone seemed to be thanking me when actually I had to thank them. The video had made it a memorable day for them but it had made a mark in my life like never before.
But I knew that I had to explain a lot and so I sent a simple reply of 'My pleasure' to many.
Some time later as one of my classmates who had missed the screening came to watch it on my laptop, I joined him. As I sat watching the video seeing him laugh at many a hash-tag, my close friend with whom I had created the video messaged me - "We just did it for fun, right?! Everyone seems to have become very emotional. Don't know what to reply to all those messages :D "
And I smiled looking at the message. Not for its content but for its sender.
He had affected my life again.
There is a scene in Jigarthanda that plays out like this:
The protagonist, who comes across a lot of obstacles in order to achieve his penultimate dream of becoming a filmmaker, stands outside the entry doors of a theater. It is the first screening of his debut film. He waits outside, tensed and perplexed. And after about a few minutes as he hears a particular scene ending, he starts a countdown from three. It is a scene where he expects the audience to cheer. And by the time he reaches one, there erupts a huge cheer inside the theater and the protagonist starts jumping in celebration.
His dream comes true. He becomes a filmmaker.
****
Two days back, at about 7 pm in the night, when I received a phone call from my close friend, I did not know that it would be a phone call that would result in a defining moment of my life.
My friend had called to discuss about making a video. A video about our classmates. A tribute video to be exact. The next day (yesterday) was going to be the last working day of our college life. And my friend wanted to make it a memorable one. So had come the suggestion of making a tribute video. Excited will not be the exact description of the feeling that overcame me when I heard his statement. But I did not want to refuse his request outright and continued listening to what he had to say.
"I don't have a clear concept as to how it should proceed. But it should contain the photograph of every single person in our class. It should be ready before tomorrow noon. Most importantly, it should not be too emotional and at the same time it should not be too funny. They should be moved but they should also laugh. I don't want it to be too serious." - These were the lines that followed the request. I remained silent for a moment and said, "Please do end this call and do something else useful. What you ask for is not possible. That too within tomorrow."
But my friend refused to listen. He told me that he would collect photographs of all the students of our class and mail me within 10 pm and ended the call. I was really angry that he had not listened to what I had said.
I started watching a film I had left halfway due to his call. But about ten minutes into the film, I couldn't concentrate on it. For some reason, my mind still seemed to be occupied with the video-making thought. I paused the film and laid back silently on my cot. I thought for a few minutes about the video. I knew that making it would be difficult, especially according to his whims but I just wanted to think about how one would possibly approach it. I visualized about 10-15 photographs of our classmates scrolling one after the other but it seemed very mundane. I squeezed my brain trying to think of an idea that would be logical and would connect the photographs. I couldn't come up with any.
And I decided to do that thing which was/is/will be the main reason I want to become a filmmaker - research. The research that a filmmaker normally does before making a film seldom gets noticed. Though 'research' before a film is more prevalent in European and American cinema (thanks to their solid plots), certain Indian filmmakers also do do their fair bit of 'research' before starting a film.
When 'Colorblind' became a song of friendship
I was blank for a moment as to what research I could possibly do for a simple video as the one my friend had demanded but I still wanted to see the normal format followed for such videos and I dived into Youtube's 'classmate tribute' videos and 'goodbye' videos. Most of the videos had a standard template - photos that scrolled one after the other with a melancholic song in the background, especially a song that had the words 'goodbye' or 'friend' repeated in them often. I felt that playing out a similar song would be very normal but the songs somehow seemed to be creating the required aura and so I started searching for a powerful 'Goodbye' song. And two did come my way - Goodbye my friend by Linda Ronstadt and Saying Goodbye by Karina Long.
But it was only then that a song came to my mind which, when heard, created a similar atmosphere - Colorblind by Overtone. One of my favorites, thanks to Invictus. I immediately played it on my music player but hesitated for a moment as to how I could insert a song about the apartheid struggles and the game of rugby in South Africa into a video about friendship. As I lay thinking, listening to the song playing in my music player, I was pleasantly surprised. The lyrics seemed to, in a deeper sense, signify friendship.
Hear me say it's time we stopped our hate
Eye to eye we see a different fate..
Yes we.. we've conquered the war
With love at the core..
I stumble, I fall, but I'll stay
Colorblind!
Moreover, college was the place where I gave up my bullshit principle of conversing only with fair-skinned and beautiful girls and in a sense, Colorblind was a tribute to my college life as well. And it was the first thing that got me interested in making a video that would instill a much required confidence in my in-a-helpless-state passion.
When photographs became more than just photographs
It was nearly 12 in the midnight when my friend mailed me the photos of our classmates requesting me to begin the video. I downloaded them but I was more than overcome by sleep that I could even take a look at them. I closed the laptop and went to sleep, deciding to give the video a try the next morning.
As I woke up the next day - yesterday morning - by around 6 am, I opened my laptop again to give the photos a glance. I wanted to see the kind of photos that my friend had got hold of. And as I opened the folder, I was shocked to see that he had collected more than 70 photos of our class's 36 girls (which in it is a big achievement with trying to keep the entire task a secret and I need to thank two other classmates - a special thanks to you 'poet'uu' as you read this) and I copied those photos and put them together with the photos of our class boys that I had already collected. I opened the first photo in the folder and as I slowly moved on from one photo to the other, happened something I had not expected. I was beginning to experience an inexplicable feeling. I honestly don't want to even try describing it here because it was a feeling that I had never ever felt before and one that I would cherish till my last breath. And as I came to the last photograph, I couldn't even think. My mind had gone blank so contrary to my heart that was at its heaviest.
And it was only then that I realized what my friend had meant the earlier day. The heavy feeling slowly subsided after a few minutes and I opened the photos again. This time, the inexplicable feeling did occur again but in a much more joyous way. And I decided that I had to do the video. Not for Colorblind. Not for my friend. But for that simple inexplicable feeling.
It just couldn't be kept mine. It needed to be shared.
When 'that one moment' occurred
It was about 3 in the afternoon as my friend and I completed the video. The entire morning had been spent creating collages out of those beautiful photographs and laughing heartily between the two of us thinking about the hash-tags that were about to precede each of the photograph.
In 15 minutes, the farewell event was about to start. And I wanted to see a preview of the video. My friend walked away saying that he did not want to see it for a personal reason of his. I tried to persuade him to watch it but he refused and I was left watching the video alone. As the video reached its end, I was once again overcome with very same feeling that had happened in the morning. And I was happy and afraid at the same time. Happy that it had come out in the very way I had imagined but afraid if it would create the same inexplicable feeling among my classmates. But it was time to start the farewell event and I accompanied my friend to the room where all the other classmates had gathered.
About thirty minutes of sincere heart-pourings later, my friend called me to connect the laptop to the projector. Projectors had been installed in all our classrooms to facilitate presentations during classes but we were going to use the projector now to screen a video, accompanied by audio as well. I was completely filled with fear - half of it as to what would happen if a faculty passing by our class heard the sound and caught us and the other half as to how it would be received by my classmates.
I had already had a disastrous experience during the screening of a 3 minute video I had made about 'Energy crisis' for an event conducted by the Mechanical Engineering department in our college during which about 30 seconds into the video, every one in the room had started chatting among themselves completely ignoring the video.
And I decided that I would not stay in the room when the tribute video started playing out. I couldn't take in one more such ignorance. And I told my friend that I would wait outside till the video got over so as to ensure that no faculty came by our class (which was also a part of the reason, though only a part) and stepped outside, closing the door behind me.
I kept pacing around the class for about a few minutes when I kept hearing constant murmur inside. And then suddenly the murmur stopped. I couldn't hear any sound and I realized that the video had started. My heart skipped a beat.
For a moment, I wanted to open the door and step inside. I wanted to see the faces of every single person watching the video and the reactions on those faces. But I couldn't bring about myself to open the door. I controlled my emotions and waited outside. And then erupted a sudden cheer inside. A large smile spread over my face.
I knew that the cheers would be heard frequently from that moment as my friend and I had intentionally prepared the video that way. And I was not disappointed.
But it was the end of the song Someday that I was waiting for. The end of the song marked the end of the photographs of our classmates and an intentional 5 second gap had been left before the end part of the video continued. I felt that any person watching that video would feel that the end of the photographs marked the end of the video and the reaction that followed would be the most honest reaction to the video. And as the song Someday started, I waited with bated breath. The cheers kept coming frequently but it was the end that mattered. And as the song came to its end, I stood as close to the door as possible and the moment the song ended, erupted a huge applause that quickly stopped as the video continued after the 5 second gap. But I did not care any more.
The applause had given a new meaning to every single film that I had watched trying to analyse and learn. The applause had given a new meaning to every single article and every single book that I had read about filmmaking. The applause had given a new meaning to my in-a-helpless-state passion.
I had become 1/1000th of a filmmaker and it was more than I ever thought I would achieve in my lifetime.
****
Epilogue
As I entered my hostel room by 6 in the evening after spending one more hour at the farewell event and having a small meal at the canteen, I took out my phone from my pocket. It was filled with messages from many of my classmates, thanking me and my friend for having created the video. Some of them had added that it had meant a lot for them and had made the day an unforgettable one.
The video had achieved its purpose. The inexplicable feeling had been shared.
But I didn't know how to reply to those messages. Everyone seemed to be thanking me when actually I had to thank them. The video had made it a memorable day for them but it had made a mark in my life like never before.
But I knew that I had to explain a lot and so I sent a simple reply of 'My pleasure' to many.
Some time later as one of my classmates who had missed the screening came to watch it on my laptop, I joined him. As I sat watching the video seeing him laugh at many a hash-tag, my close friend with whom I had created the video messaged me - "We just did it for fun, right?! Everyone seems to have become very emotional. Don't know what to reply to all those messages :D "
And I smiled looking at the message. Not for its content but for its sender.
He had affected my life again.
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